


Junior Year

by TheIfInLife



Series: I Hear Symphonies In My Head [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, F/F, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, M/M, Smut, lots of smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:33:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIfInLife/pseuds/TheIfInLife
Summary: Junior Year.Upperclassmen.Liam finally finds a girl.Zayn’s secrets are discovered.Niall gets thrown a curveball.Harry is living the dream.And Louis is just riding the rollercoaster of life as it comes.Or,What happens in the next chapter of the lives of the five boys.





	Junior Year

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is. Much, much, much later. But it’s still happening. I will finish this series if it kills me. Be prepared for a lot of smut and some angst as well - and not just with Harry and Louis. And this is currently unbeta’d. If you’d be interested in helping me in that department, message me on Tumblr! Happy reading, y’all! 
> 
> Also I had to get an new tumblr so here is the link to my new abode: https://larryismyotpuniverse2.tumblr.com (will fix it to look pretty later)

Spending the summer with Harry is by far the best summer that Louis has ever had. They spend a majority of the summer at the pool with the rest of the boys or in Harry’s basement. Louis is so glad that he was able to come out to his mom, he definitely does not want to come off as ungrateful for having the ability to come out to his mom; however, since she now knows for a fact that Louis and Harry are dating, she has gone back to being very strict about him keeping his door open and Harry sleeping on a palette on the floor (but of course as soon as they hear her go into her room, Harry climbs into bed with Louis). So basically he has spent as much time away from the knowing eyes of his mother as possible. Of course, Anne’s eyes were certainly knowing too but she wasn’t nearly as strict as Jay was. 

Niall and Louis go to football camp over the summer and end up training with each other at least four times a week. They also lift with Liam at least once a week too; in fact, between the training with Niall, the lifting with Liam, and the near daily trips to the swimming pool, Louis has gotten pretty fit - and so has Harry. And Harry has also grown significantly taller than the rest of the boys, especially Louis. Honestly, Louis sometimes hates that he is smaller than most guys but he loves that Harry is tall and lanky and adorable. 

His summer was filled with late nights and laughs and lots of love. He and Harry had not exactly dropped the L Bomb yet but Louis is definitely feeling it. Every day he tries to work up the courage to tell Harry that he loves him. But honestly, Louis is not worried really. He can tell by the look in Harry’s eyes that Harry is feeling it too. Right at this moment, Louis is not worried about trying to take anything too fast but to just soak up the feelings and memories as they come.

In regards to sex and the development of their sexual relationship, nothing at all has happened; in fact, Harry has been a complete gentlemen. There is nothing that Louis wants more in the world than to let his anxieties about sex go and just do all the things with Harry but he isn’t at that point yet. At the same time though, he keeps teetering them closer and closer to the edge of finally doing something beyond heavy snogging. It’s confusing to Louis for sure but all in all, the summer was amazing and he couldn’t be happier.

-

School begins just as it has the last two years. He feels a bit sad though, knowing that Eleanor is beginning her first year of college now and she won’t be there to be his theater rock. This year is the same as before but also different. He and his friends are now officially upperclassmen. They are juniors. It’s weird to walk into the school and know that he only has one more first day of high school left. 

Once the feelings of nostalgia subside, Louis focuses on his class schedule. He and Harry don’t have any classes together, unfortunately, but he and Liam end up having a science class together which is nice because Liam is such a good student and will definitely keep Louis accountable. And it’s in the middle of that class that Louis gets a call slip from Coach, meaning that he is required to meet in Coach’s office immediately. 

When he arrives at Coach’s office, he sees a Senior already sitting in the office. He’s invited in with them by a flick of Coach’s wrist. He’d be lying if he tried to say he isn’t scared.

“Boys, I’ve called you in here for a reason. I know we don’t have tryouts for another few weeks but I wanted to give you both the news. I’ve decided to make you my Junior and Senior Captains. Now, you both are co-captains but the Senior captain will have more weight on your shoulders from me and the Junior captain will handle other things with the team. Overall, you are both excellent players and role models for your future teammates. 

Because of this, I will have you help me run tryouts which you already know. Additionally, you are going to help with the choosing process. Put your biases aside and think solely about the person as a player on our team. We can meet again before tryouts and discuss your responsibilities in further detail. I just wanted to give you your official congratulations of being chosen as captain. And also, no you don’t have to keep it on the LD or whatever it is that you kids say these days.”

Louis definitely cracked up laughing at that. “You mean the DL. It stands for downlow.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” The coach smirked just a little as he rolled his eyes.”It’s all the same to me.”

“Thanks Coach.” The Senior, Brad, stayed in the Coach’s office but Louis was quick to leave. He couldn’t help it, he was pumped to spread the news that he was chosen as Junior captain. 

Oh god. What if Niall gets jealous because Louis was chosen as Junior captain and he wasn’t? Suddenly Louis isn’t so sure about sharing the information with Niall. He doesn’t think that it would come between them but he just really doesn’t want to see Niall upset. 

By the end of the day, however, apparently Brad had already spread the word. As Louis is putting the last of his books into his locker for the day, Niall comes running down the hallway shouting. 

“LOUIS!!!” Niall is yelling, even when he reaches comfortable conversation distance from Louis. “You made captain!!!! Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve seen you in the hallway at least once between almost every class.”

“Junior captain.” Louis corrects. Niall rolls his eyes. “And I didn’t say anything to you yet because I didn’t want you to get upset with me or anything.”

“Tommo, why would I be upset with you? You’re a better player than me. You’re more dedicated to football than pretty much everyone else on the team. Of course you’d get Junior Captain. I knew you would. Don’t worry bro, I’m just happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Louis blushed and didn’t say much else. 

No way would he consider himself the most dedicated on the team. Yes, he is extremely passionate about the game but that doesn’t make him better than anyone else necessarily. He doesn’t dispute Niall though, he just lets it drop. 

When he gets home that night, something completely unexpected happens. His mom is home and watching Fiz and the twins and Daniel changes into a suit. 

“What’s going on?” Louis asks. He glances between Jay and Daniel curiously.

“Dan just wants to take you and Lottie out.” Jay smiles.

“No fair! Why can’t we go?” Daisy whines which immediately causes the other two to start complaining too. 

“I plan on taking all of you out too.” Daniel says, getting down on his knees to talk to them face to face. It’s actually a little endearing how good he is with them. Of course, he gets them to calm down but it does nothing to calm Louis. 

He just has this feeling that there is something else going on. Oh god, what if he tells them that Jay is pregnant or something? Louis shakes his head. She probably would want to tell them all at the same time if that were the case. 

So of course, both Lottie and Louis go upstairs to change into something that is more formal like what Dan is wearing. Louis doesn’t wear a tux but he does wear something super nice - a light blue button down shirt and black dress pants. And he definitely sends a picture to Harry which may contain a sneak peak of how tight the pants are around his bum. 

As Louis had already figured out, Daniel takes them to a fancy restaurant. They order and talk so much that Louis almost forgets that it is weird for Daniel to do this. Not that he doesn’t take them out but this place is fancy. There’s someone actually playing piano in the corner, that’s how fancy the restaurant is. 

The food arrives and before Daniel even takes a bite, he clears his throat and leans towards them. He’s smiling but he also looks extremely nervous and suddenly Louis isn’t so sure that he is not about to announce that Jay is pregnant. 

“I have a really important question for the two of you.” He messes with his silverware idly. “But before I ask you the question I need you to promise that you won’t tell anyone - not your sisters or even your mother. It’s a secret between the three of us.”

“I swear, I swear!” Lottie is practically bouncing in her seat. “What is it?”

“Lou?” He turns his gaze to Louis and Louis swallows thickly before nodding. “I brought you two here because I wanted to ask for your blessing to ask your mom to marry me.”

“WHAT?” Lottie practically screams in delight and even Louis lets out a squeal of excitement. Ever since Daniel was extremely cool about accidentally walking in on Louis and Harry in the middle of a heavy snog session, Louis has a great amount of respect for Daniel and he certainly approves of the man for his mother and a father for his sisters, and … maybe even for himself.

“So is that a yes?” Daniel asks with a smile.

“Yes!!! A million times yes!!” Lottie is being so loud that she is attracting other tables’ attention but the three of them couldn’t be bothered to care. 

“Of course.” Louis smiles brightly and they all get up and hug before sitting back down to finish their meal. 

The rest of the meal goes really well. They discuss when Daniel is thinking of proposing and how he plans on doing it. Basically just all these details that Louis knows will make his mom happy. 

On the drive home, everyone is mostly silent. As Louis stares out the window of the van, watching all the streets pass by, he can’t help but reminisce about how much things have changed. He can see now, as he looks back on how he acted last year, that he was being a brat about the whole Daniel thing. Clearly he had reasons for feeling the way that he did but still. He could have been nicer. Now that he has really gotten closure on the situation with Mark, he can really see how great Daniel is for his family. His mom sings in the shower now, she smiles and laughs more, and he can just see that the two of them are really good for each other. And the girls need Daniel too. Now that Daniel plans on officially proposing to his mother, the twins and Fiz and Lots get to grow up with a real dad. And, yeah, Louis could probably be included in that too. He gets to have a real dad. 

-

Since he can’t tell the girls or his mom about Daniel planning to propose, he literally rushes to Harry’s side when he gets to school the next day so that he can tell him. He would have texted it but he didn’t want his mom to somehow see it on his text records or something and then the surprise would be ruined. 

“Hazza!!!” Louis legitimately runs up to Harry, absolutely loving the way that Harry’s face lights up when he sees Louis. “Guess what?”

“What?” He smiles big so that his dimples show which of course makes Louis smile even wider. He honestly is just so in love with Harry that it’s literally hard to breathe sometimes. 

“You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you because it’s supposed to be a secret. Like, I was told not to tell anyone but you’re my  _ best friend _ so obviously you don’t count.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He bites his pink lip and then smooths a hand down Louis’ arm. Louis resists the urge to lean into the touch. “Tell me!”

“Daniel asked me and Lots for our blessing to propose to my mom!” 

Harry picks Louis up in a hug and squeezes him tight. He feels so happy and it just feels like everything is finally going the way that it’s supposed to. Everything is falling into place. 

“Ehmmm.” 

Louis is turning around to see who is clearing their throat at he and Harry with red cheeks. Hopefully no one thinks anything of the moment that they just had. Luckily, it’s not Chris that Louis sees, as he had originally feared. But instead it’s Anthony which is really unexpected but what he says is even more unexpected.

“Did you see the flyers?” His look is half panicked, half excited.

“What flyers?” Louis asks, completely dumbfounded. 

“The flyers all over the hallways - about auditions for the musical. We’re doing The Secret Garden!”

“What? Already? It’s the second day of school.” Louis has no idea how to feel about this. 

“Well, we do have a new drama teacher this year and The Secret Garden is a really difficult musical to pull off.”

“Wait, we officially do have a new drama teacher? What’s her name? Why haven’t I seen her yet?” 

“Well  _ his  _ name is Mr. Wittrock. He looks like he’s fresh out of college so who knows how this year will turn out.” Anthony shrugs, clearly just as conflicted as Louis is. “You’re auditioning though, right?”

“Of course I’m auditioning. The Secret Garden is such a classic.”

Once Anthony mentioned the flyers to him, that was all that Louis could see. Auditions are next week. This new teacher must be pretty serious if he’s having them audition on the second week of school. Louis isn’t quite sure how he feels about getting a new drama teacher. Even if the old drama teacher was a bit of a bitch occasionally, the end result was always good. He sighs. Whatever happens, he is auditioning. 

-

“Louis,” Harry says. They’re up in Harry’s room after school, supposed to be working on homework. “Today is the 21st. Do you know what that means?”

“Our four month.” Louis breaks out into a smile. “Oh no, did you get me something? Because I didn’t get you anything. I can work on it though - ”

“Lou,” Harry puts his hand softly on Louis’ cheek. “I didn’t get you anything. I just wanted to bring it up to tell you how happy I am.”

“I’m happy too.” Louis admits with a shaky voice. In moments like this, his body literally reacts so strongly to Harry. He could literally squeal. His heart is so full of love for this boy.

Harry’s thumb gently caresses Louis’ cheek for just a second and Louis has to drop his eyes and smile because he’s feeling so much. He never thought that being with Harry would feel like this. It’s just good. 

The next thing he knows, Harry’s lips are pressing against his. It’s been four months and Louis is still obsessed with the way that Harry’s lips feel against his. Louis quickly turns the kiss from soft and gentle to hot and heavy. God, he could sit there and just melt into Harry’s lips every single day and never get bored of it. 

When Harry’s lips travel down to Louis’ neck, Louis practically goes limp. His neck is so sensitive that even just the lightest touch sends goosebumps down his skin. Honestly, Louis is getting hard already. 

“Harry,” Louis gasps when Harry starts lightly sucking on his neck. Louis knows that it’s not enough to leave a mark. They’ve gotten this far before and he’s told Harry before that he doesn’t want to have marks where people can see. 

Louis pulls back just long enough to crawl into Harry’s lap and then he’s back to attacking Harry’s lips. He feels Harry’s big hands tracing slowly up and down his back. It’s hot and Louis honestly wants nothing more than to experience all these things with Harry that he doesn’t even really know about. When Harry goes back to kissing his neck, Louis instinctually bucks his hips forward, accidentally pressing himself into Harry’s own hard cock and suddenly Louis feels like he can’t breathe with how much he wants Harry. 

Harry’s hands are now traveling all around Louis’ chest. His fingers start to slowly trace down Louis’ torso and Louis gets tense. He wants it so badly. But when the very tip of Harry’s finger just barely dips into the hem of Louis’ waistline, he freaks out and jumps off of Harry’s lap. 

“No, wait.” Even as the words are coming out of his mouth, Louis clenches his hands in frustration with himself. He wants this. He’s hard and he can see that Harry is hard and he’s frustrated that they haven’t done anything sexual yet even though his body literally aches for Harry’s touch.

“Babe, I’m so sorry.” Harry reaches for Louis but Louis steps back.

“No, please just, don’t.” Louis turns his back to Harry to try to get his emotions under control. It’s dumb that he’s even getting this worked up over it but he’s just so fucking pissed. He just wants to be able to be intimate with Harry. 

“Louis. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked, I know you want to go slow - “ Harry sounds like he’s practically pleading and dammit, Louis can’t even help himself anymore. Clearly Harry thinks that Louis’ reaction is his fault when it’s really Louis’. 

“I did.” Louis whispers, trying in vain to not let Harry hear that he’s upset. “I wanted to go slow and we did. I want to do things now, with you but I can’t and it’s...it’s  _ not  _ your fault, Harry.”

“I’m...confused.” Harry has gotten up and laced his fingers through Louis’. “Please tell me what’s going on. What’s on your mind right now?”

“I don’t know, I just freak out.” Louis sniffles. “God I’m awful. I - I always ruin it.”

“Hey.” Harry walks around to where he’s face to face with Louis. “You don’t ruin it. Let’s just talk through it, okay?”

“...I don’t even know what to say.” Louis sighs, definitely sounding defeated. 

“Well, I guess I can just ask you questions if you’re okay with it. And we can talk it through together.”

“Okay.” Louis sits down, more than a little nervous. But he’s also got this feeling like he’s … excited? 

“Has...did something bad happen to you? Like sex wise.” Harry looks really hesitant to even ask this question and Louis immediately puts him at ease.

“No, no. It’s nothing like that.”

“Okay.” Harry breathes a sigh of relief. “Are you afraid that I won’t like the way you are in bed because you’re a virgin and I’m not? Because if that’s the case then I sincerely promise you that you’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

“No, it’s not that either. Although now that you mention that, it’s on my mind.”

“Do you have like, regular nerves and we just need to wait until you’re ready? And like, you’re trying to be ready before you actually are?”

“Harry, I’m so ready to be with you sexually it’s literally driving me up the wall. I want it and I think about it all the time. I know that’s not the problem.”

They’re quiet for a second while Harry is thinking of other questions to ask. Louis just awkwardly twiddles his thumbs. And then Harry asks a question that Louis doesn’t immediately say no to.

“Do you have some sort of guilty feelings about it?”

It’s silent. Louis can’t say no straight off because he thinks that maybe they’re finally going down the right path to get this thing figured out. Even still, he can’t bring himself to actually say anything. All he can do is nod so slightly that’s he’s not even sure if Harry notices that he nodded.

“Why do you feel guilty?” Harry waits and Louis shrugs his shoulders. “What about it makes you feel that way?”

“I…” Louis’ voice trails off as he’s searching for the right words. It’s hard because he’s never actually experienced this before. He doesn’t know why he’s like this so it’s not like he’s got all the answers right away. “I’m so frustrated because I just, I don’t know Harry.” 

“Is it,” Harry pauses and slips his fingers gently between Louis’. “Is it because you feel guilty about wanting to have gay sexual experiences?”

“I don’t think so.” Louis retorts. “It’s not the gay part of it. It’s just  _ it  _ in general.”

“Okay.” Harry sighs, sounding a weird mix of relieved and defeated. “I can’t really think of any other questions. So I guess just tell me your first experience with sex, and don’t give me that look. I know you’re a virgin. I don’t mean sex that you’ve personally experienced but just like when you first began to understand it or whatever.”

Louis is quiet. He’s thinking back through all of this memories related to sex and suddenly he gasps, closing his eyes trying to erase the memory. 

“Lou, what is it?” Harry sounds rightfully concerned. Louis takes a shallow breath. 

“I think I know why.” Louis lets out in a small voice. Harry continues to ask curious questions but Louis is already drifting back to a time when he was much, much younger. “It’s because of Mark.”

A moment or two passes before Louis speaks again. “I remember that day like it was yesterday. I’d gotten home from grade school a little early because Maura had driven me home. I was supposed to stay at the after school program to wait until my mom got off of work so that she could pick me up, but I told Maura I wasn’t feeling well so she took me home. When I got inside, all I could think about was going to my bed to lay down. As I climbed the stairs, I began to hear odd noises that I’d never heard before and come to find out, they were coming from Mark and my mom’s room. 

“I cracked the door open just a little bit but it was enough to see something that would forever change my life. Mark and some other woman were having sex in the bed that he shared with my mom. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening so I walked in and asked them what they were doing. Of course, you can imagine how things went from there: I told my mom what I saw even after Mark made me promise not to, and Mark had completely moved out by the end of the week. I remember all the nights where my mom would wretch sobs, yelling ‘I can’t believe he  _ had sex  _ with someone’. That's what she would cry, for months. She would cry about it in her newly remodeled room, she’d cry about it while making rice dinners, she’d cry about it to her friends, and when she finally started showering again, she’d hit the shower wall loudly and cry about it. I guess just the way that she said it like he  _ had sex  _ with that woman, it just I guess left me with the impression that sex is gross and dirty and something to mourn over. I mean, clearly I’m older now so I understand the context more but...I think that’s where this has stemmed from.”

Louis takes a breath, in and out. All these locked down emotions where stuck, a lump in his throat. He’d never been able to actually talk about that day and he didn’t even realize how much he needed to talk about it until just then. Finally, he musters the courage to look at Harry who still hasn’t said anything in response. As soon as they make eye contact, Louis can see that Harry’s got tears in his eyes. 

“Wow.” Harry says finally. “Your mom has been through a lot, I had no idea. You’ve been through a lot.”

“Yeah.” It’s all that Louis says because it’s all that he can think to say. 

“Can I say something else?” Harry asks. Louis just nods. “I just want you to hear this from me: when you are ready and when sexual things happen between us, it will be intimate. It will be an expression of love. We will be emotionally connected. I know what it’s like to be cheated on and I swear to you that I will never, ever do that to you. Your mom’s reaction to what Mark did is because he cheated, it’s not about sex as a whole. Not to be gross and cheesy or anything but sex can be a beautiful thing and that’s what it’s going to be between us.” 

“Harry.” Louis feels kind of choked up. He almost, almost lets those three little words slip. And then he just kisses Harry instead. 

Harry leans into the kiss and Louis swears he can feel all the things that Harry just talked about. He decides right then that today is the day that he will finally get past all of these negative associations with sex. 

“Harry,” Louis says again, only this time it’s a whisper and just his name means so, so much. Harry pulls back, his green eyes so wide and open as they peer down at Louis. He understands. 

Louis angles his body toward Harry so that they are sitting face to face instead of next to each other. It’s much easier to reach Harry’s lips this way. 

Harry presses a timid kiss on Louis’ jawline. Louis tangles the fingers of his right hand in Harry’s hair in response. He tugs ever so lightly, just to tell Harry that it’s okay. Harry trails his lips lightly down Louis’ neck, causing him to shiver. Just like that, his dick is perking back up in interest. 

Louis starts to lay back, thanking his lucky stars that Harry just naturally follows. He really doesn’t know what he’s doing here but it seems that he and Harry are on the same page, or at least he hopes so. 

It takes a little bit of awkward rearranging but soon enough Harry is lying on top of Louis, between his spread legs. They’re still fully clothed and attached by the lips but Louis can tell that Harry isn’t putting his weight on Louis. 

They lay there like that, kissing heatedly while Louis gets so hard that he’s straining against his jeans. Part of him is nervous but he just closes his eyes and breathes in the moment. He’s here and he wants this. 

When Harry starts sucking and nibbling at Louis’ neck, Louis gasps probably a little too loud. Thankfully no one else is home. Honestly, Louis feels like he could burst with all these feelings, both physically and emotionally, swirling around. Almost as a reflex, Louis tilts his hips up, very briefly making contact with Harry. 

“Are you sure about this, babe?” Harry lets the question ring in Louis’ ear, his lips touching Louis’ lobe as he asks. Louis can feel his breath against his skin and it just serves to rile him up even more. 

“Yes. Please.” He’s not even sure what he means by saying the word ‘please’ but somehow it seemed right. 

Harry pulls back just enough to watch Louis’ face when he presses his hips to Louis’, finally pressing their clothed cocks together. Louis closes his eyes and gasps. He honestly feels like he’s floating. This moment, here with Harry doing things, it’s all he’s ever wanted. It’s perfect. 

Harry starts slowly rubbing them together, never taking his eyes off of Louis for a second. Louis feels the heat rising in his cheeks just knowing that Harry is watching him have his first sexual experience. He tries to keep the little gasps and sounds in as Harry presses himself harder and faster against Louis but he honestly can’t help it. 

Louis’ stomach clenches because he can’t stop thinking about how he can feel Harry’s hard,  _ big _ cock rubbing against his. It feels so good. He’s absolutely aching in his jeans but he knows that this is all that he’s comfortable with right now. 

Before he can even second guess himself, Louis reaches down and grips Harry’s bum, encouraging him to give Louis more. Harry makes a sound in the back of his throat and it’s almost as if a switch was flipped inside of him. He rocks his hips almost harshly against Louis’, both of them keening at the same time from how good it feels. 

Suddenly, Louis knows he can’t last much longer. His legs start moving and shaking on their own accord. Finally Harry breaks the eye contact between them, leaning down and breathing hotly in Louis’ ear: “Let it go, babe.”

When he sucks harshly at Louis’ neck, Louis’ legs attempt to close, his hips jump off of the bed, his whole body seizing up as he lets out a “ahh” and stains the inside of his pants with come. 

Harry keeps rutting against Louis until Louis starts shying away from sensitivity. 

“Do you want me to go finish in the bathroom? I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

Maybe it’s the post-orgasm haze, but Louis is feeling suddenly confident. He shakes his head and watches Harry with wide eyes. 

“No.” Louis says. “I wanna watch.”

Harry looks like he could come just from hearing Louis say that. He takes a shaky breath, sitting back more comfortably, his big hands finding the button and zipper of his jeans. Louis is holding his breath. He can’t believe this is actually happening. He’s about to see Harry’s penis. 

It’s big, that’s the first thing that comes to Louis’ mind. And also it looks different than his. Previously he honestly thought that all penises looked like his does. He knows now that that was a stupid thing to think. And he’s glad that Harry’s is different than his because Harry’s is actually...beautiful? That’s probably a weird thing to think but it’s true. 

Harry’s got one protruding vein and his skin there is way more pink than Louis would’ve imagined. Harry’s hand is practically flying over his cock, stopping every so often to pay special attention to the tip. Watching this is incredible, so much so that Louis feels arousal stirring around in the pit of his stomach again. 

“Louis,” Harry lets out a breathy moan and suddenly Louis gets an idea. 

He sits up and puts his hand around the base of Harry’s cock, gripping firmly, and moving his hand just slightly up and down. Harry gasps in surprise and starts rocking into both his and Louis’ fists. It’s different than touching himself but it’s also the same in some ways. Harry’s skin feels hot and slick against Louis’ palm. Harry makes a whining sound, curling in on himself, and then strings of come are landing on Louis’ jeans. 

“Wow.” Harry smiles so brightly and there’s this look in his green eyes, this look that makes Louis’ heart flutter and his breath catch in his throat. 

Louis smiles at Harry in response, all that’s going through his mind is  _ I love you, I love you, I love you _ . He wants to say it right then but instead something much less eloquent comes out: “Who knew sex could be so messy?” 

Harry just looks down at Louis’ soiled jeans and suddenly both of them are laughing. It’s incredible, this feeling of pure joy. 

“C’mon. I’ll put those in the wash and get you something else to wear.”

It’s funny, he kind of thought that being sexual with Harry would change their relationship. In a way, it did change things. Now he’s got this incredible trust for Harry that runs deeper than ever before. But at the same time, he can still see his best friend through all of this. 

-

Auditions for The Secret Garden are at the end of the week and Louis is a mix of excited and scared. What if the new drama teacher hates him? What if he gets a small part? Or worse, what if he gets no part at all? He barely survived that last year. 

“Lou.” Zayn’s voice breaks through Louis’ thought process. “You okay?”

“Oh, yeah.” Louis shakes his head, almost as if by doing so he can get rid of all the thoughts. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You have been on the same page in your book for nearly ten minutes.” Zayn’s face reveals that he doesn’t even remotely believe Louis.

“I’ve never been a reader.” Louis says, tossing the book aside. 

“Is it Harry? Are you guys having problems?” Zayn asks this delicately. 

“What? No!” 

“I know it can be hard sometimes. Relationships can’t be perfect, even if you’ve found the one who is perfect for you.” 

“Zayn, it’s not me and Harry.” The corners of Louis’ mouth perk up. “We’re...good. So good. If I had known that this is what it’d be like, I would’ve never wasted time with Eleanor. I would’ve...I don’t know. Sometimes I just wonder how different things would’ve been if we had just admitted our feelings to each other back in freshman year. Harry’s heart would’ve never been broken and Eleanor’s wouldn't either.” 

“Yeah but sometimes things take time. 14 year old Louis wasn’t ready yet. The time wasn’t right. And you never know, maybe Harry’s heart needed to break before he was ready for you. I don’t know. All I know is that things happen when they’re supposed to. Even if it’s not meant to be.” 

“What - Zayn.” Louis’ breath catches in his throat. “You’re not talking about me and Harry anymore, are you?” 

Zayn sighs. He shakes his head minutely.

“Are you and Niall having problems?” Louis echoes the same question he was asked earlier, heart clenching at the thought. 

“My parents want me to end it.” His voice is small, vulnerable. 

“Why?” Louis loves Zayn's parents but he can’t think of a single reason why they’d want Zayn to break it off with Niall. 

Zayn opens his mouth to respond but at that exact moment, Niall and Liam burst in the doorway, caring food in their hands. Niall immediately goes over and presses a quick kiss to Zayn's lips and Suddenly there is no trace of sadness on Zayn’s face. Louis bites his lip, just wondering about what could possibly be going on in 

“Soph just sent me a link to an article about blow job tips asking me if she should try them.” Liam shakes his head, half laughing and half irritated. 

Sophia is Liam’s new girlfriend. They both worked as lifeguards at the local pool over the summer. They are very...active. 

“Oh, sorry, Louis do you not want me to talk about this in front of you?”

“No, no it’s fine.” Louis clenches his fists in annoyance. It’s not like he’s some prude. “It’s not like I’m extremely innocent or whatever.”

“Wait..” Niall turns to him quickly. “Does that mean that you and Harry  _ did it _ ?”

“No, um.” Louis’ face turns red. “We haven’t.”

“Babe,” Zayn says suddenly. “Remember how much fun we had on our four month anniversary?”

“First of all,” Liam says, standing up and point and Niall and Zayn. “You two are gross. And second of all, Louis is smarter than all of us to wait.”

“Am I though?” Louis wonders aloud. “Because I mostly just feel frustrated.”

“I mean, i get that.” Liam sits next to Louis on his bed. “But also this way, you’re avoiding some of the mistakes that we made.”

-

The following night can only be described as magical. Daniel set up this adorable proposing scheme. He gives each of the kids a rose and has them stationed at certain spots along a trail that isn’t too far from their house. 

By the time that Jay reaches Louis, the last kid on the trail, she’s got a bundle of roses in her hands and a trail of jittery kids behind her. Jay just looks at Louis with tears in her eyes. She knows. When Louis takes his mother’s arm, it’s almost like she’s leading them - she knows exactly where they’re going. At the end of the trail, there’s a beautiful colorful field of flowers and a little hill they overlooks the field. She used to love going to visit the meadow often when they were younger. 

On the hill, Daniel stands waiting. His smile can only be described as blissful. Jay laughs happily when Daniel takes her hand and Louis steps away. The girls cluster by Louis, Lottie with the video camera. 

“Jay,” Daniel begins, his voice laced with emotion and sincerity. “What a journey it has been. From the day we first met I just had this feeling that there was something different about you and I needed to get to know you to now, standing here on this hill, with you. There are flowers as far as the eye can see but you’re by far the most beautiful sight here. You’re strong and courageous and a wonderful mother. I look behind you and I see five little mini versions of you who I love as if they were my own. Daisy has that curious spirit that you have. Phoebe has your uniqueness. Fiz takes after you in her quiet, humble demeanor. Lottie has your attitude. And Louis, he has your stubborn, fierce loving heart. I may not be their father biologically but I can be everything their fathers were not. I can be the one who makes sure you never have to do it on your own again. I love you, Jay. So,” 

He clears his throat and drops down to one knee. Louis is definitely crying, there is no use in denying it. Jay is a happy mess. The twins are both smiling happily and Lottie and Fizzie both have watery smiles as well. 

“Johannah, will you marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” She drops her flowers in her haste to hug her new fiancé. They kiss and then Daniel is sliding the ring onto her finger. Phoebe is the first to run to hug them but the rest of the kids quickly follow.

“We’re going to be a real family.” Fiz whispers. 

“We already are.” Louis tells her, casting a sincere smile in Daniel’s direction. 

-

The auditions for The Secret Garden run surprisingly similar to the way that auditions used to run with the last drama teacher. The only difference is that there aren’t any solo singing auditions. They are put into groups and assigned a song for all of them to sing. So it’s like the acting section of the auditions. 

It goes really well with his group singing audition. He even sees the new drama teacher smile at him briefly. When he leaves the audition, Harry meets him at the door.

“You did wonderfully!” Harry hugs him tightly, slow to let go. 

“Thank you!” Louis smiles brightly. “So you’re sure that Anne talked to my mom about me staying over for the weekend? Because she’s been very reluctant about letting us stay the night together since…”

“Yes, Lou.” Harry rolls his eyes fondly. “She texted me about it at noon. Also she is already in the parking lot waiting for us. So we should head that way if you’re ready.”

Once at Harry’s house, the pair make their way to Harry’s room to work on homework. Which of course means that Harry gets homework done while Louis flirts and does everything he can to innocently distract Harry. 

And then he gets a call that blindsides him. 

“Hey Niall.” Louis answers, still smiling at Harry’s objections to his distracting abilities.

“Lou.” Niall lets out one word and immediately Louis knows that something is very, very wrong. 

“Niall,” Louis sits up, all joking flown from his body. “What’s up? What’s wrong?”

“Zayn… h-he - “ Niall’s voice breaks into sobs. 

“What’s going on?” Harry nearly throws his homework aside when he hears Niall’s sobs coming from the phone. 

“Can I come over?” He’s barely able to get a sentence out. 

“Yes. We’re at Harry’s. Do you think you’re okay enough to make it?”

“I’ll be fine. I need some air anyway.”

As soon as they hang up, Harry asks him about a million and one questions. Louis doesn’t say much because he’s got an awful feeling in his gut about what all this is about. He thinks back to a conversation that he had with Zayn not that long ago. 

When Niall arrives, he is an absolute mess. It takes several minutes of letting him cry on Louis’ shoulder before he drops the news. His face is red and blotchy, tear streaks stained on his cheeks. 

“He broke up with me.” Those five words slip out and then his lip quivers and he’s a mess again.

Louis’ stomach drops. He doesn’t know how to react other than just letting Niall cry on his shoulder and exchanging worried looks with Harry. 

“What happened?” Harry asks after Niall finally seems to have composed himself somewhat. 

“His parents made him do it.” Niall sniffles again. “They said that high school relationships never work out and that going to college in a relationship would just hold him back from all the experiences there.”

Niall’s lip quivers again but he seems to get himself under control before he starts crying again. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and then he flops back on the couch. Harry looks at Louis like he is on a sinking boat and Louis is the only one who can save the ship. Unfortunately, Louis’ brain is short-circuiting and he simply does not know what to do. He’s never seen Niall like this in his life. Harry bites his lip and then he starts talking like he can’t stop.

“But why would they make you guys break up now? I mean we  _ just _ started our junior year. We still have like two years left, even if it were true that you would hold him back, which it is not by the way. And also, why would he just do what his parents want? If he really cared about you, he would stand up to his parents and not let them ruin a good relationship.”

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Harry looks shocked at himself. Niall starts crying again, this time hiding in the cushions of the couch.Louis smacks Harry on the arm as soon as Niall’s not looking and mouths,  _ why would you say that? _ Harry shrugs sadly, clearly already feeling bad for the way that his words affected Niall. 

Anne brings junk food and ice cream down to them in the basement. She doesn’t say anything but she does give Niall a hug before going back up the stairs. So they spend Friday night binging on junk food and watching crap shows. Literally anything to distract Niall from the pain is what they did. Maura came to get him the next morning though because his dad had come into town. 

Louis didn’t think that that would be the best idea, that Niall still needs them. But there’s nothing that he can do or say. And who knows, maybe it is the best. Maybe he needs time with his dad. But either way, as soon as Niall is gone, there’s an eerie silence between him and Harry. 

“Sooo.” Harry says into the silence. “I can’t believe they broke up. They were...they were Zayn and Niall.”

“I know. And like, how are we going to be friends with both of them if they want us to choose sides. Niall is my best friend but I also love Zayn. This is a tragedy.”

“Yeah.” Harry sighs and laces his fingers through Louis’. “I think the most that we can do right now is to be there for both of them.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Louis squeezes Harry’s hand. “Hey Haz, I just. This has made me think about you and me a lot and I just want you to know that…”

“Yeah?” Harry looks half scared. 

Louis wants to say  _ I love you _ and he almost does. But then he thinks about how it might be shitty timing with the break up of their best friends. So he just smiles. 

“I’m so glad that we’re doing this.”

It may not be what he wanted to say exactly but Harry’s face lights up just the same. 

-

The cast list of The Secret Garden go up the following Monday. Louis is so nervous he almost doesn’t even look. The last time that he was in a show, the drama teacher was pretty hard on him. And also, this is an entirely different person. What if Mr. Wittrock doesn’t think he’s good at acting or singing at all? He nearly gives himself an anxiety attack with all the possibilities. Finally, though, he goes to check it, with all four of his favorite people (Zayn and Niall keeping their distance from each other) behind him.

He scans the list and then his eyes stop on his name  _ Archibald Craven: Louis Tomlinson _ . Archibald Craven is a significant role. It’s not technically a lead role but it’s a very important role and the fact that he got it solidifies that he is good enough. He immediately turns to face his friends with a giant grin on his face.

“I got the part of Archibald Craven!” He starts jumping up and down and thankfully his friends do as well.

“I have no idea who that is but I am so happy for you!” Liam practically laughs.

Louis glances over to Harry and the look on Harry’s face makes it hard for Louis to breathe. He wants to kiss Harry so bad. And he knows that one day, whenever he’s completely ready, he will kiss him right here in the hallway at school. 

“I have a pretty big role. It’s not exactly a lead role but it’s still an important one. And the song “Lilly’s Eyes” is my song! I’m so happy.”

They all continued to celebrate with him and Louis is once again reminded that he is one of the luckiest people on earth to have such awesome friends. 

-

It’s the last week in September when tryouts finally happen. He and the Senior captain sit with the coach discussing the tryouts for at least an hour before they get to who is on the team and who is not. 

Louis looks around the office, feeling for the first time that he just might be good at this. Not in the, wow he can play kind of way, but in the sense that the people who trained him see real potential in him. 

“Okay,” the coach says, setting a clipboard in front of them. “I’ve highlighted the people who are definitely on the team. The ones with asterisks are the ones that I want you to choose from. There are five available spots left and I want you to tell me why you think certain players should be on our team.” 

_ Thank god _ . Louis breathes a sigh of relief when he sees Niall’s name highlighted. He would have fought tooth and nail to get Niall on the team. To his surprise, he sees Chris Evans with an asterisk by his name.

“Coach, you aren’t sure about Evans? He’s been on the team for the past two years. Most of these other people are underclassmen.” 

“Well, he’s had some issues with school and that  has made me doubt his dedication to this team.”

“Yeah,” the other guy adds. “I think he needs to work on being part of this team off the field.”

“That’s true,” Louis nods. Suddenly it hits him that Chris could not be on the team this year. No one is defending him. Louis sure as hell isn't. But then he thinks that on the field Chris is a decent player. And he would probably make Louis' life even worse if he knew that Louis could be part of the reason why he didn’t make the team. “But we could really use his on-field skills. Maybe you could ask him to shape up otherwise, Coach.”

“Hm.” Coach nods and grabs his highlighter. “Four more.”

They spend the rest of the time deciding over people that Louis doesn’t know very well. It’s an awesome conversation though because Louis feels like he can effectively have a conversation about skills. His ego is definitely intact if he’s being honest. 

“Tomlinson.” The coach holds him back after the conclusion of the meeting. 

“Sir?” 

“I am aware of the problems that you’ve had with Evans. And yet you still fought for him to have a spot on this team. I respect that.”

“Oh.” Louis doesn’t even know what to say. “Um, thanks.”

“Okay, now get on out of here.”

-

Liam comes in on the morning of the beginning of October with Sophia on his arm. He hasn’t brought her around much due to the break up. 

Zayn and Niall are standing with significant space between them and they are decidedly not talking. The most that they have given each other since their breakup are mere glances in each other’s directions. 

“Guys,” Liam says excitedly, “Soph had a meeting with a college scout last month! Guess who got a scholarship to Oxford?! I’ve been so excited to tell you all week!”

“An entire week?” Louis gasps dramatically. “And you didn’t tell us?!”

“Well,” Liam looks at the ground. “Other things were... _ happening  _ and so I just didn’t think it was the right time.”

An awkward silence settles over them. 

“Well I think that is absolutely incredible news.” Harry smiles, lips stretching in a way that Louis immediately knows that he feels awkward. 

“You’re in the chorus of The Secret Garden, right?” Louis asks, knowing already what her answer will be but needing desperately to alleviate them from the stench of awkwardness. 

“Yeah!” She smiles brightly. “Rehearsals have barely started and I’m already exhausted.”

“Me too!” Louis nods, feeling all of the negativity melt away. “I’m sure it must suck to be in the chorus too because you all have to be there even when we’re not working on your stuff.”

“Yeah.” She giggles. “But watching you all is incredible too. You’re really talented.”

“He is.” Harry chimes in. 

Louis blushes and quickly changes the subject. “So how did you get in?”

“Yeah, and what are you going to do with this big lug next year when you’re off at Oxford?” Niall laughs, some of the humor lost in the sadness in his voice.

“Well it’s my dream school so I basically did everything I could to ensure I’d get in.” She looks at Liam and blushes. “And I know that we’ll be okay next year. Nothing can tear us apart.”

“How romantic.”Zayn speaks for the first time that day with sarcasm clearly laced throughout his tone. 

Louis almost wants to tell Zayn to stop it. He gets it, his heart is broken. But he could be nicer. He honestly can’t help but turn away and roll his eyes. Thankfully, the bell rings and they don’t have to continue the moment. 

Harry and Zayn go their own way while the others all go scatter. Louis makes it to his first class early because he’s still feeling guilty when he sees some of the underclassmen in the hallway who didn’t make it onto the team. He knows that it’s not really his fault - Coach did most of the choosing. And really, underclassmen don’t even know that he had a hand in who made it on the team anyway. But still. So he’s been booking it to class and hanging out there doing some homework or something until the bell rings for class to begin. 

It’s another week before Harry and Louis are able to spend time at home with each other. The previous weekend, they had decided that Zayn and Niall needed a weekend of being busy without each other. So Zayn and Harry went to Liam’s house while Niall hung out with Louis and his family. But now, they’re finally alone.

Harry has it in his mind that Louis is going to teach him how to play football. So they’ve fashioned a goal out of two lawn chairs that were in Harry’s backyard already. 

“Haz,” Louis says, trying to mask his amusement at how terrible Harry is at sports. “You’ve got to actually  _ kick _ the ball.”

“I’m trying!” Harry huffs and kicks the ball hard, but it veers way off course. 

Louis runs to get it and maybe he bends over a little too slowly, peeking behind him to see if Harry is watching him. He is. A thrill shoots through Louis and he has to bite his lip to prevent a squeal coming out. 

“Okay, try it like this.” Louis says after running back to Harry. He drops the ball to ground and kicks it. The ball soars between the two lawn chairs. 

“Fuck off.” Harry shoves at Louis’ shoulder playfully. “I should know better than to play with the star of the team.”

“I’m not the star of the team.” Louis shakes his head, brushing the compliment off. 

“You are.” Two words, that’s all that Harry says but to Louis that means the world. Even if he doesn’t believe it, it’s clear that Harry means it. 

“I love you.” Louis says it without even thinking about it and only panics for half a second. And then Harry smiles wider than Louis has ever seen him smile before. 

“I love you too.” 

Louis presses a thumb into Harry’s dimple because he can’t resist. Louis leans in and presses his lips to Harry’s softly. He can feel Harry smiling into the kiss. His heart flutters and he can’t help but smile as well; he is so, so in love. 

His fingers slip into Harry’s curls, holding him close. Harry bites Louis’ lip softly which has Louis getting hard in his shorts. Holy shit. Suddenly he realizes that he wants this to go further and well, maybe Harry’s backyard is not the best place for that. 

“Do you, um, wanna go inside?” Louis is uncertain of himself when asking but Harry barely gets in a nod before he’s leading Louis to his room. 

As soon as the door closes behind them, Harry is on him. There’s a part of Louis that is nervous but mostly he is excited. 

“Wait,” Louis pulls away from the kissing. Harry, bless him, immediately steps back to give Louis’ space. “Come back.” He pulls Harry flush against him. “I was just going to ask about your parents. I don’t want them to like, walk in on us.” 

“They’re out to dinner at some work thing, they just left a couple of minutes ago. Mom made me promise we wouldn’t do anything but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Good.” 

For a few moments, they kiss heatedly against Harry’s door. And then Harry starts to lift at the hem of Louis’ shirt. Louis’ stomach twists with nerves. Obviously they’ve been shirtless around each other but this time it’s totally different. 

Harry gives him an inquisitive look and Louis nods.  _ It’s okay.  _ Louis lifts his arms up, holding his breath. Harry doesn’t make a show off ogling his body which is appreciated because it would not help his nerves at the moment. Instead, he just goes back to kissing Louis. 

Louis reaches out, still unsure of himself. Making the first move will probably always make him nervous. Logically he knows that Harry isn’t going to reject him but it still causes his heart to race. He really, really doesn’t want to do anything wrong or embarrassing. He bites Harry’s lip with just enough force that Harry’s breath catches. And then he’s lifting Harry’s shirt away from his body. 

Finally, Harry presses in close. Feeling Harry’s skin against his is incredible. He didn’t even think that something as simple as chest to chest contact would make him feel anything, let alone turn him on immensely. Harry presses his hips to Louis’ almost tentatively. Louis gasps, pressing back into the contact. He can feel how hard Harry is against him and the breath is stolen from him. 

“Let’s move to the bed...if you want to?” Harry has a sincere look in his eyes like if Louis had honestly said that he didn’t want to move to the bed, he would be completely okay with it. But of course, that is the opposite of what Louis wants to do.

“Yes.” Louis walks Harry backwards until his legs hit the bed.”But maybe we should...take our pants off? God, I sound so awkward.” 

“No you don’t, Lou.” Harry’s thumb traces over the pink in Louis’ cheek. “You sound adorable. And sexy and I literally can’t wait to experience all of this with you.”

“Stop.” Louis shakes his head with a smile on his face. “You’re ridiculous.” 

“Yeah,” Harry smirks, fitting a finger inside the waistline, tugging ever so slightly. “But you love me.” 

“I do.” Louis smiles.

Watching Harry take his pants off honestly reminds Louis of why he loves Harry. He nearly trips and then visibly debates over whether he should take his socks off as well, which he eventually does. Louis quickly throws his shorts aside and suddenly they are standing there, right next to Harry’s bed, in nothing but their boxers. 

“Um.” Louis sits on Harry’s bed, feeling the awkwardness wash back over him. He’s got an obvious tent in his boxers and suddenly he’s at eye level with Harry’s dick.

Harry leans down and kisses Louis again, his tongue already searching out contact. Louis laid back on the bed, Harry easily following him. His heart rate soars again, acutely aware of the fact that he is now laying in his hot boyfriend’s bed in just his boxers. 

Once again, Harry fits himself between Louis’ legs. For just a moment, Louis worries that Harry will think that he is lazy in bed because so far, Harry has taken the lead. It’s not that Louis doesn’t want to, he’s just not exactly comfortable with taking the lead at the moment. 

But then Harry grinds down against him and he doesn’t have room in his brain to think about anything other than how good it feels. It feels even better than last time because this time there is only thin fabric of their boxers separating them. 

“God,” Harry gasps, pressing even harder against him. “You sound so good. Fuck.”

Louis didn’t even realize that he was making any noise. But he is aware that hearing Harry curse while he’s turned on actually turns Louis on even more. Louis’ toes curl as he thrusts up into the contact. 

He attaches his lips to Harry’s neck and puts all of his energy into giving him a love bite. With every thrust, he sucks at his neck harder, which only causes Harry to thrust harder and do this little half-whine half-whimper. 

“Can I - can I touch you?” Harry stutters out his words, clearly affected by the attention that he’s getting on his neck. 

“Yes.” He almost sounds like he’s begging but he doesn’t even care. 

It almost feels like everything goes in slow motion after that. Harry’s hand fits inside Louis’ boxers and the sensation takes Louis right to the edge. For a moment, his mind drifts back to back in sophomore year when he was wanking about a moment that was eerily similar to this. His mind had no clue how awesome this really would be. 

“Oh my  _ god _ .” Louis moans loudly. Harry’s hand will be the death of him. It feels so, so much better than his own hand. “Yes, holy shit.”

“Lou,” Harry pauses suddenly. “Can I do something we haven’t done before?” 

“What?” Louis’ stomach twists with nerves. He isn’t ready for a lot. 

“Can I put us together and like wank us off in one hand?”

Oh.  _ oh.  _ Honestly, Louis doesn’t think that he’s ready for that. He doesn’t want Harry to see what his penis looks like because it looks different and is honestly smaller than Harry’s. He’s a bit insecure about it and now isn’t really the time to have that conversation yet. 

“Maybe I could just…” Louis’ voice trails off but he slips his hand inside Harry’s boxers and grips him firmly. “Do this instead?”

“Fuck.” Harry readjusts, falling on his side. 

Louis readjusts so that the two of them are on their sides facing each other with their hands down each other’s boxers. He isn’t super experienced but he jerks Harry off enthusiastically as if it were his own cock. They breath hotly into each other’s mouths until Louis has to pull away for more air. Harry’s hands are so, so good. He squeezes with every up thrust and swipes his thumb over the slit which drives Louis up the wall. 

“I’m gonna, god. Harry, I’m not gonna last.” Louis’ voice sounds audibly rougher which is weird because then he immediately starts whining. 

He can’t help the sounds that are coming out of his mouth. The feeling of his orgasm building to an overwhelming level just pulls the sounds from him. His voice gets higher and higher as he feels the orgasm approaching.

“ _ Harry _ !” Louis’ entire body tenses as he comes harder than he ever has before. He squeezes Harry hard as he orgasms and Harry rocks into his hand until his own orgasm comes. 

“That was the best thing I’ve ever felt.” Louis says as the haze of the after-orgasm dissipates. 

“Just wait until we get to the other stuff.” Harry looks at him, eyes still partially sex blown.

“Like what?”

Harry sneaks a hand over Louis’ bum and squeezes lightly. “You’ll see.”

Louis can’t wait.

-

“You know what’s weird?” Louis says absentmindedly while Liam’s doing some lifting. They’re in Liam’s basement which, of course, is basically a weight room that his parents spent a shit ton of money on just for Liam. Lucky bastard. 

“What?” Liam grunts out, sounding like a proper gym rat. 

“I told Harry I loved him.” Louis smiles at the memory. 

“Finally.” Liam shakes his head, almost looking fond. “What’s weird about that? You’ve been in love with him since we were baby freshmen.” 

“I know and like, this whole time I’ve been so nervous about finally telling him. And in my mind it was going to be this big, huge thing with, like, I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it. But there was just a simple little thing that he said to me and I just said it. Like, don’t get me wrong, the moment was still perfect but it was a quiet moment and I just thought it was going to be monumental and earth shattering.” 

“Well,” Liam sets down the weights to look him in the eye. “That’s because real love isn’t about moving mountains, it’s about the quiet whispers.”

“First of all, that was a shit line.” Louis poked fun because he’s contractually obligated to give Liam shit. “Second of all, you really think that what he and I have is real love?”

“Don’t you?” Liam moves on to a different set of weights. 

“Yeah, I do.” Louis’ mind wanders to what they will look like when they’re 80, surrounded by their grandkids and laughter wrinkles at the corner of their eyes. 

“I don’t know a lot of things about what the future holds but the one thing I’m certain about is that you two are end game.” 

“I thought Zayn and Niall were end game.” Louis frowns. He doesn’t like to talk about their split but it’s the truth. He’d never seen Niall love someone the way that he loved,  _ loves _ , Zayn. 

“I did too.” Liam shakes his head sadly. “All I can say is that it’s not always smooth sailing and it’s not always according to our desired timeline. Love isn’t as simple as romantic comedies lead us to believe. It’s as hard as it is good.” 

“Okay how do you know all this? You’ve never even been in love - have you?” Louis’ tone is as gentle as he can make it. He doesn’t say it to offend Liam, more just out of genuine curiosity. 

“I think I could be soon. But,” Liam transforms into a sad puppy. “I know because my parents have it. They’ve been through hell and back and made it out the other side. I don’t want to have all the issues that they have had but I want a love as strong as theirs.”

“It’ll happen for you. I know it will.” Louis fiercely believes it. 

“It fucking better.”

-

The first practice of the season goes so, so well. It’s clear that the team respects him as a leader but they also don’t treat him differently in a negative way. 

Coach doesn’t go easy on them either, not that Louis had expected him to. But the fact that everyone rose to the challenge makes Louis believe that they are going to do really well this season. 

In the locker rooms after practice, Louis showers at the same time as everyone else which he hasn’t done in possibly ever. Niall gives him a proud look. But then over Niall’s shoulder he can see the disgusted look on Chris’ face. Part of Louis wants to tell Chris to wipe that look off of his face because he wouldn’t even be on the team without Louis. But he swallows that down and offers Chris a smile. He’s a captain now which means he can’t engage in petty bullshit. 

And then as soon as he’s done with practice, he has to book it over to the theater to catch the last half of rehearsal. They run through blocking over and over until Louis literally feels like he could do it with his eyes closed. And then they run through the songs twice with the blocking. 

“Louis, can I speak with you before you leave?” Mr. Wittrock calls out as everyone starts leave. Louis ignores the “ooooh”s and makes his way to where Mr. Wittrock is standing.

“Am I in trouble?” Louis asks before the teacher even has time to say anything. 

“No, I just wanted to talk to you to make sure we’re on the same page.” He clearly is trying to sound less intimidating but Louis still has to swallow back his nerves. 

“Okay.” Louis nods. 

“I just wanted to make sure you’re still getting the same amount of rehearsal as the others. Practice is keeping you from a decent amount of rehearsal so just make sure that you’re getting that rehearsal time in on your own time. And don’t be caught off guard if I pull you aside again just to check in. You’re an integral part of this show so we need you at your A Game. You’re doing very well so far but I just wanted to make sure you were aware of my expectations.” 

Louis nods and quickly makes his exit. When he gets picked up, the girls and everyone is in the car and apparently they are going out to dinner as a family to celebrate Jay getting a significant raise (finally). They stay until Jay notices that Louis is nearly falling asleep at the table.

Needless to say by the time that he gets home, Louis barely has enough energy to change into pajamas before he collapses in his bed. And it’s then that he sees three missed calls from Harry and a text that says  _ call me please _ . It’s late but Louis doesn’t care, he immediately calls Harry back. For a moment Louis thinks that Harry isn’t going to answer. But then, 

“‘Ello?” Harry voice is rough with sleep. 

“Harry, are you okay? What happened?”

“What time is it?” Harry slurs. “It’s late, Lou.”

“I know but you said to call. Are you okay?” Louis bites his lip, feeling the guilt seeping in. 

“Yeah. Had a fight with my parents. It’s okay, I got ahold of Zayn and talked to him about it.”

“Haz,” Louis can’t help but feel like he let Harry down. “I’m so sorry. I had practice and rehearsal and then a family dinner thing and I just now got the time to even look at my phone. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there for you tonight. I feel really bad.” 

“Don’t feel bad, Lou, I get it.” Harry sounds genuine, like he isn’t mad.  

“Promise you aren’t mad?”

“I promise.” Harry yawns, long and drawn out. “I’m going to go to bed though, okay? I’m just tired, I swear I’m not upset with you.”

“Okay.” Louis knows that he doesn’t sound entirely convinced. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, babe.” 

-

After yet another evening of intense practice and rehearsal, Louis comes home to find his mom reading in the living room. Maura had dropped him off because Jay was scheduled to work so he can’t hide his surprise when he sees her.

“Mom? I thought you had to work?” He drops his stuff loudly at the door. 

“I did but Fiz got sick so I had to leave early. How was your day? Are you ready for your game this weekend? I’m coming, so be prepared for me to embarrass you the whole time.” 

“My day was exhausting.” He plopped down on the couch and sighed exaggeratedly. “Mom, can I get your opinion on something?” 

“What’s up, babe?” She tosses her book aside and puts her full attention on him. 

“So I wanted to have the boys over after the game on Friday - “ 

“Of course!” She smiles. “Those boys are always welcome in my home. They’re like my sons too.”

Louis’ heart is filled with warmth. He loves that they all have a family in each other’s families. They’re lucky in that for sure. 

“Yeah, but there’s one problem. Zayn and Niall broke up so I don’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, Maura mentioned that to me. Niall, the poor lad, has not taken it well… I can see where the issue arises. It wouldn’t be possible invite just Niall?” 

“I mean, I  _ could _ .” Louis hesitates. “But I’ll want Harry there. And I’ve already mentioned it to Liam because his parents need more of a notice. And I don’t want to have everyone except Zayn. That’s not right.”

“Hmm.” She bites her lip as she considers the situation. “Maybe ask them separately if they’d be okay with being around each other. And then go from there. Explain the situation to them. Communication is the key to any relationship.” 

Louis nods. She’s right, as usual. He’s so, so lucky to have such a great mother. 

“And speaking of relationships...how are you and Harry doing?” She looks like she’s toeing the line. 

“We’re just... _ good. _ ” Louis smiles, thinking back to all the great memories they’ve made even in the short time they’ve been together. 

“Have you...had sex?” 

“Mom!” Louis immediately turns a bright shade of red.  

“I’m just trying to be open with you. I read an article that said that being closed off about  _ things _ will just make things worse.” 

“Well I’d rather not be open about this.” Louis shrinks into himself, hoping that if he makes himself small enough, he’ll just disappear. 

“Just talk to me, son. We can talk about this.” 

“Mom, you don’t even like having Harry in my room alone. You used to be so strict about me even having my door closed so I really don’t think we should have this conversation.” 

“I know.” She nods and continues carefully. “I think I’ve realized that you’re going to do what you’re going to no matter what. You’re nearly 17, I’m not dense. And…and I think that having open conversation about sex will put my mind at rest that you’re not being reckless or doing anything that’ll hurt you.” 

“Mom, you know that Harry can’t get me pregnant right?” 

“Louis I am very aware of that fact. But the fact that you think getting pregnant is the only reckless part of sex worries me.” 

“Ugh.” Louis gets exasperated and it all tumbles out. “We haven’t, okay? We’ve done  _ some _ things but not much because I’m not ready for all of it yet. God, are you satisfied now?” 

“Okay.” She sighs in relief. “Just make sure that you’re doing what you’re okay with. And I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. If you have questions or concerns or anything.” 

“Okay. Mom, what if we make a deal? I promise I’ll talk to you about sex if you promise to let me be the one to bring it up.” 

“Sure thing.” She pats Louis’ arm and then squeezes it. “I hope you know I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just really want you to know that I love you and I’m just trying this whole mom thing out as I go.” 

“You’re doing great.” He assures her with a chuckle. “But I’m going to go upstairs and work on my lines.” 

“Oh! Do you want me to run lines with you? I’ll even do voices like I used to do when I read you books as a kid.” 

He’s entirely ready to say thanks but no thanks. And then, he just doesn’t. “You know what? That’d be awesome. Let me go get my script.”

-

Louis decides that he’s going to talk to Niall about it first. Niall has been his best friend since the womb so it only seems fair that he’d consult Niall first on the situation. 

“Niall, can I talk to you about something?”

They’re sitting outside the school after a rare practice in which Louis doesn’t have to go straight to a rehearsal after. Maura is taking him home again - it’s a busy time for both Dan and Jay’s is jobs. 

“Yeah?” 

“So, I was thinking that maybe...well...I wanted to get together with our friends after the game.” 

“Okay, what’s so abnormal about that that we would need to talk?” 

“We haven’t hung out as a group,  _ all  _ of us and I just. I already talked to Liam and I want you there because we will have just went through our first game and I know that Harry’s already coming so -“ 

“So Zayn has to come.” He nods and swallows thickly. “Are you asking me for my blessing to invite Zayn to hang out?”

“I mean, a little. It’s just, I don’t want exclude him but I don’t want to make either of you uncomfortable.” 

“If Zayn is okay with it, I can manage. I don’t want our group to have to choose sides on my account.” 

“Promise? And if you end up not being able to handle it, no one would blame you.”

“I promise.” 

“Love you, Nialler.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, Boobear.”

“Ew,” Louis jokes. “I take it back, I hate you.”

-

The talk with Zayn goes much the same way as it did with Niall. Zayn appears like he’s not hurting as much as Niall is about the break up but Louis knows that it’s just a front that he’s putting up. 

So by the time that their first game rolls around, the plan is set. Once Louis and Niall are finished, they’re all heading back to Louis’ house for the weekend. And honestly, Louis is as nervous as he is excited. He hopes that this doesn’t end in a trainwreck of emotions for his friends but he’s also so excited to be spending time with his friends,  _ all _ of them. 

He stays at school after the final bell rings on the day of the big game. They’re playing one of their rival teams so he knows that not only is the competition going to be fierce, but the crowd is going to be huge, even in the guest bleachers. He can feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he changes into his uniform. 

After a meeting with the coach and the senior captain, all there is left to do is wait. Wait in the locker rooms underneath the bleachers and listen as the crowd gets louder and louder. He and Niall keep glancing at each other excitedly and suddenly Louis is hit with how rare these moments really are. They’re  _ juniors  _ now - they only have one first game left together. For a moment Louis is sad but he pushes that down and instead focuses on soaking in how incredible the moment is. And it gets even more incredible.

The team runs out onto the field and Louis can’t help but scan the crowd. He doesn’t see his friends or his family right away and unfortunately doesn’t have more time to look more in-depth. The game is underway before he knows it and then he’s so caught up that he doesn’t even think to look at the crowd. 

But when he scores what turned out to be the only point of the game, he hears screams erupt and he sees exactly where his people are. His mom is all decked out in school merch, even has face paint under her eyes. She screaming wildly, standing next to Dan and the girls who look just as wild with excitement. 

And then he sees it. Right next to the girls, Harry is holding a sign big enough that he can read it from the field. 

**‘NIALL AND LOU ARE BETTER THAN YOU** ’ 

He smiles so brightly when Harry catches his eyes. He feels his eyes crinkle at the corners and he actually giggles to himself. 

They win the game 1-0. It’s an incredible feeling when he runs out of the stadium to find all the people there who love and support him. Almost immediately, both he and Niall are tackled by their people. It’s a bit chaotic, with all of them talking over each other to congratulate the two of them. 

Eventually, they all get piled into cars and head to the Tomlinson household. And it only takes a couple minutes before the five of them are settled and left to their own devices. 

“That was an awesome game.” Zayn says into the silence. 

“Thanks.” Niall says it but he doesn’t look at Zayn, instead he just looks at his hands. 

The tension is almost suffocating. No one says anything for a moment and it is  _ rough _ . 

“We should play a game. Or! We could do karaoke. The last time that we did that, it was so much fun.” Louis is trying to think of something, anything to cure the awkward of the situation.

So that’s what they do. They break out the karaoke machine and Louis is reminded of the fact that all of them actually have pretty decent singing voices. But of course, the novelty of having something else to focus on doesn’t last too long. Zayn chooses to sing  _ Don’t Forget About Us _ by Mariah Carey and all the sudden, they’re back to square one. 

“A movie would be good, yeah?” Harry suggests. 

“Yes! We should watch Guardians of the Galaxy!” Liam practically squeals. 

“Of course.” Louis rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, I think we all knew you were going to suggest that.” Niall laughs but he’s already reaching for the dvd. 

And honestly, Chris Pratt is the cure for everything. Soon they are laughing and no one is thinking about how sad it is to be around Zayn and Niall at the same time. Louis tries not to be overly touchy with Harry, just so that his friends don’t get upset. He does lace his fingers through Harry’s and squeeze lightly before letting go. 

Right as Groot uses his arm/branch to impale a whole line of enemies and smash them against the walls, he swears that he sees Zayn’s pinkie rub against Niall’s but it happens so quickly that he isn’t sure if he imagined it. 

They eat tons of junk food and watch movies for the rest of the night. When it comes time to sleep, they are basically one pile on the floor. He pulls Harry into him. Being the big spoon to Harry’s little spoon is one of the most comforting thing. 

“Shhhhh!” Louis hears a distinctly female voice say. 

“Is that…” Harry whispers.

“Lottie?” Liam asks.

“No!” Lottie’s voice comes again. She must be on the phone because no one else is talking back to her. “They don’t know yet so you have to be quiet.” 

“What…” Louis trails off, straining to listen. All he hears is Lottie pacing back and forth. 

“They’re going to make a big deal out of it. That’s how my family is.” 

Louis is fighting himself at staying put. What he really wants to do is go in there and demand details. His mind is making up many scenarios that he really doesn’t hope are true. 

“A first boyfriend is a big deal.” She stops and then quietly says, “I love you too.”

Louis sits straight up. He’s all prepared to go steal the phone from Lottie and interrogate whoever is on the line, but Harry grips his forearm and he’s reminded of all the reasons why she needs her space to talk about things just like he did. 

“That’s actually adorable.” Niall whispers into the darkness. 

“True.” Zayn actually giggles.

Maybe, just maybe everything will be okay. 

-

Louis is dead, or at least it feels like it. Practice doesn’t get easier just because games have started and rehearsal is definitely getting harder because they’ve only got a month until opening night. So when Louis stumbles out to the van and Dan asks if he wants to get dinner, just the two of them, Louis can’t help but inwardly groan. He’s got loads of homework and his phone is dead and there are just so many things that he’s got to get done. But he says yes nonetheless. 

They go to a place that isn’t exactly cheap but he also doesn’t feel out of place just wearing jeans and a T-shirt. But it feels weird, like Dan is nervous. Louis almost makes himself laugh because, as usual, he thinks that Dan is going to tell him that Jay is pregnant. 

“Louis, I know that our relationship got off to a rocky start. I know that for awhile there you didn’t have the highest opinion of me and I didn’t do the best at trying to fix that. But you’ve become like a son to me.” Dan pauses briefly, taking a deep breath before continuing. “And I’d really love it if you’d be my Best Man.” 

“Oh.” Louis is genuinely taken aback. “Of course I will!”

“Thank god!” Dan sighs in relief. “I was worried that you’d say no for a second.” 

“No, I wouldn’t do that. I will definitely be your Best Man. I’m honored honestly.” 

“Well you mean a lot to me.” 

“Thanks.” Louis smiles, feeling so lucky to have him. “Same here.” 

-

“So,” Anthony says in a hushed tone as everyone is leaving rehearsal. “Halloween party at my brother’s house. Must be wearing a costume to get in. My older brother is buying the alcohol. Spread the word! I’ll be sending the address in the theater group message.”

Louis nods. He’s not interested in the drinking bit but he definitely wants to go at least for a little while. He and Harry can dress up and go to the party and it’ll be fun.

Immediately he gets out his phone and shoots Harry a text:

_ Babe! Wanna go to the theater Halloween party?? It’s a costume party!  _

He doesn’t get another chance to look at his phone until he gets home because his phone died again. He keeps forgetting to bring a charger with him to school or get a portable charger or something. Louis falls asleep waiting for his phone to be charged enough to turn back on.

When he wakes up in the morning, he’s missed a text and call from Harry as well as two calls from Niall He instantly feels like shit that he wasn’t able to respond and when he gets to school, he personally tells both Niall and Harry this.

“Yeah, I get it.” Harry says with a smile. Underneath, Louis feels like he sees something that Harry doesn’t want him to - like he’s upset about it or something. But he isn’t sure so he doesn’t try to call Harry out on it.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Niall nods. “I was just um. Well, it was a hard night. I tried to go through and delete some pictures of us and I just couldn’t. So yeah. It wasn’t important.”

“It was.” Louis retorts. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you.” 

Niall brushes it off but Louis knows that he needs to do better than this. He needs to be a better friend and boyfriend than what he has been. He’s got to do better and be better for them.

-

“Okay, come on out boys!” Jay yells from downstairs. 

Louis is already laughing, just looking at the two of them in the mirror. Because the costume party was announced last minute, he and Harry had to improvise on what to wear. 

The two of the come bounding down the stairs and they instantly have the room laughing. 

“So you’re a pineapple?” Fiz asks curiously. 

“Yeah, and I’m a slice of Canadian bacon pizza!” Harry is glowing. This whole cheesy thing was his idea, obviously. So people loving it is only boosting his cheesy self esteem. 

Jay and Anne both force them to take tons of pictures. Louis looks at how happy they look - Louis in his yellow shirt and green crown, with the word PINEAPPLE written across his chest and Harry’s white shirt with a piece of pizza drawn in black. It’s ridiculous and also the best. 

Anne drops them off at Anthony’s house and they’ve agreed to walk back to Harry’s house when they’ve finished at the party. 

“Lou,” Harry smiles at him as they stand at the door, waiting to be let in. “I love you a lot.”

“I love you too.” He’s so, so happy. 

The party is literally so fun. Yes, there are people drinking and probably couples upstairs doing things that Louis definitely doesn’t want to witness. But he doesn’t need any of those things to have fun at this party. Mostly he and Harry just spend time dancing together or explaining their ridiculous costumes. 

When a song that has a strong beat comes on, Louis drags Harry to their corner where they’d been dancing. He doesn’t even know this song but he knows that he wants to dance with Harry. 

It’s dark and Louis can barely see the faces of the others dancing around them so he definitely isn’t embarrassed to be seen dancing with Harry and his ridiculous dad moves. He does whips one second and then the next, he’s doing the sprinkler. It is incredibly endearing.

“I love this song.” Harry whispers as a new song comes on, breath tickling Louis’ ear. Harry turns him around so that Louis’ back is pressed to Harry’s front. 

Louis shivers and gulps. “W-what song is it?”

“It’s called Pony.” Harry tentatively grinds against Louis’ bum, like he’s asking if it’s okay. And then he does. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah.” Louis says, breathless. He’s listening to the lyrics as they play and he’s pretty sure this song is about sex.

Louis is easily turned on, feeling Harry grind against him. He’s sensitive there. Wants it there. It hits him like a wave crashing down on him. He wants to have sex with Harry. He wants so, so much more. 

Harry’s hands are all over him, traveling from to his chest to his hips and Louis is doing everything he can to just keep from moaning out loud. 

When Harry grinds harder and Louis feels how hard Harry is against him, he lets out a whimper. He reaches up to grip Harry’s neck with one hand, turning his face into his neck and letting out the tiniest sounds because he can’t help it anymore. These feelings and -  and everything is so new and overwhelming but yet deliciously good. 

“You sound so good.” Harry practically grunts. His fingers grip Louis’ hips tightly and suddenly Louis is afraid he might actually come. 

“Wait, wait.” Louis steps away. “If we continue I’m gonna…” 

Harry takes a deep breath, saying, “Me too. Your arse is …” and then he shivers.  

Louis bites his lip, almost feeling proud that his body turns Harry on too. 

“I think I need to go  _ adjust _ .” Louis coughs. “Wanna come with?”

So they end up in the half bath downstairs. There’s not much room so it feels like they’re practically on top of each other. 

Louis splashes himself with cold water, willing his erection to go away. He doesn’t exactly want to do things with Harry in public so having a hard dick in his pants would probably complicate the night. 

“Lou, can we try something new tonight? Like, when we get back to my place?”

“New? Like what?” Louis is a little nervous almost immediately. 

“I want to give you a blowjob.” 

For a moment, Louis honestly has to think and remember what a blowjob even is. He gives Harry a curious look. 

“I wanna suck you.” 

Louis’ breath catches in his throat. He wants that. God, he wants that so much. But. 

“You look nervous.” Harry observes. He steps closer to Louis and tangles their fingers together. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I don’t want to pressure you at all.” 

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” Louis feels his cheeks going red. “It’s just that. I don’t know.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t ready. You don’t have to explain yourself if you aren’t ready. I would totally get it, Louis.” 

“I want to talk about it and I think we should. It’s just - difficult.” Louis takes a deep breath. “I’m nervous about you seeing me.” 

“Seeing you?” Harry is confused but Louis can tell the second that he understands. “You’re worried about me seeing you naked?” 

“It’s stupid, I know.” Louis swallows. It’s just that you’re way hotter than me and your...is bigger than mine. And…and I just don’t want you to not be attracted to what you see.” 

“Lou.” Harry says his name in a way that has Louis going weak in the knees. “You’re captain of the football team and you’ve gotten the lead in the musical how many times? If anyone is out of anyone’s league, you’re out of mine. But we’re not going to be about that, okay? It’s not a game. I’m attracted to you - I’ve always been attracted to you. That’s not going to be a problem. I just. I just wish that you’d see yourself the way that I see you.”

Louis is rendered speechless. Part of him wants to cry and then part of him wants to strip naked right there and do whatever Harry wants. But instead of doing either extreme, he kisses Harry  _ hard _ . 

“Let’s get home.” Louis whispers against Harry’s lips. 

They get stopped a million times before they actually make it out the door. There’s a quiet urgency behind their steps but they aren’t running to make it to Harry’s house. 

Harry laces his fingers through Louis’ and smiles down at him (he’s significantly taller now which Louis high key hates and low key loves). 

They walk in a comfortable silence. Louis has never been one to enjoy silence, needing to fill the silence with his words or ridiculous things. But in this moment, he lets the comfortability of the silence wash over him. When he glances over at Harry, he’s half smiling and one of his dimples is showing. Louis bites his lip because he is so, so in love with this beautiful boy holding his hand. 

As soon as they make it to the house, they head downstairs. Anne and Robin are both still watching tv in the living room, so engrossed that they barely even acknowledge that they’re home. 

The moment that they’re safely alone, Louis attacks Harry. He’s on him, letting his lips travel down the length of Harry’s neck and back up again. 

“Shit.” Harry curses, leaning into the contact. “Lou, are you - are you sure that you want this? That stuff I said before, I wasn’t saying it to get in your pants. I meant it regardless of what happens between us.”

“I know. I believe you.” Louis steps back and takes his shirt off slowly. He keeps his eyes locked on Harry and he’s only just a little nervous. But not in the bad way. 

Harry seems to understand what he’s trying to accomplish in this moment. He runs his fingers down Louis’ torso and then pulls him back in by his belt loops. 

They kiss slow and languidly. Harry’s lips are red when he pulls back to take off his pizza shirt. Then their skin presses together. He  _ loves _ the feeling of Harry’s chest against his. 

Harry walks him backward, toward the giant couch. Louis rests his hand over Harry’s chest, feeling his steady heartbeat to calm him. 

When the backs of his legs hit the couch, Harry’s hands land on his jeans. As he unbuttons and unzips Louis’ jeans, he keeps steady eye contact with Louis, like he’s waiting for Louis to pull away. But he doesn’t. 

Louis lays back, just in his boxers, watching as Harry gets rid of his own jeans. Harry climbs over him and yes, this part feels familiar. They kiss heatedly for several more minutes before the next move is taken. 

Louis lifts his hips, looking at Harry pointedly. Harry immediately begins tugging on the thin material. Louis goes red, knowing that this is the moment he’d been nervous about. This is it. 

Just like that, he’s naked and hard in front of Harry for the first time. Louis looks away, embarrassed because he knows that Harry is looking at his body. 

Harry, bless him, doesn’t spend too long looking. He quickly removes his own boxers and then they are naked together. Louis’ face is still hot with embarrassment. 

Harry kisses him slowly, his neck, his chest, his tummy, lips just reaching the hair he’d neatly trimmed before coming back up to Louis’ lips. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

Two words, so small yet their meaning is huge. 

“I love you.” It’s the only thing he can think to say. 

“I love you too.”

The moment is incredibly vulnerable and leaves his heart feeling wide open. It’s the most incredible moment of his life so far. 

And then he feels Harry’s tongue lick the length of his cock. 

“Oh my god.” It comes out much louder than he’d anticipated so Harry throws him a warning glance. 

Harry spreads Louis’ legs to get a better angle. And then he proper takes Louis into his mouth and Louis literally jolts onto his elbows. 

“ _ Oh. _ ” Louis feels...he can’t describe. “Good, so good.” 

Harry hums and Louis’ hips buck. This is the best thing he’s ever felt, ever. 

“H-Harry.” Louis moans loudly and then throws a hand over his own mouth. 

When Harry starts bobbing his head up and down, sucking in earnest, Louis literally can’t keep still. His hands are traveling from pulling at the corner of the couch, to nestling in Harry’s hair, to trying to keep his whimpering silenced. 

Every time that Harry goes down, Louis lets out a whimper. The sounds he’s making are honestly a little embarrassing and he’ll probably blush about it later but right now, the sounds are being pulled from him. 

He’s close, he realizes this suddenly. 

“Harry, Harry.” Louis moans, hips rocking to Harry’s rhythm. “I’m gonna come. Oh god.”

Harry's mouth suctions tighter against him and Louis feels his eyes roll in the back of his head. He feels his orgasm from his toes up. He’s whimpering and moaning Harry’s name so loudly that he’s pressed his face into a decorative pillow. When he comes, his hips lift off the bed and he gasps and then air is literally pulled from him. 

Harry swallowed. That’s the first thing he thinks after he’s calmed down. 

“That was the best thing I’ve ever experienced.” 

“I could definitely tell that you liked it.” Harry looks entirely too smug. 

“Can I do you?” He asks, completely awkward about it. 

“I’d love that but...I may have already…”

“What?” Louis sits up, confused. 

“You sounded so hot, I just got really worked up and well...let’s just say I’m glad my boxers were there to wipe up the couch quickly.” 

“Oh.” Louis almost chuckles. “Well next time then. Maybe we should get dressed again in case your parents come down.”

They’re almost asleep when Harry kisses Louis’ ear and says, “Can I ask you something?”

Louis hums. 

“Are you ready to be out together?” Harry tenses like he’s waiting for Louis to freak out (Louis doesn’t blame him). “I only ask because you’ve been very comfortable with looking and acting like a couple in public and just, I’m proud of you.”

“Wow.” Louis turns to face Harry. “I guess I hadn’t even realized. I don’t know. I think I might be ready. Maybe like, not tomorrow but very soon.” 

Harry kisses him softly. “Love you. No matter what.”

“I love you so fucking much.”

-

November is a hard month. And Louis doesn’t realize how hard it is for everyone else too until things sort of explode.

The first time that it happens, Louis is completely and utterly unprepared. 

He accidentally forgot to put his phone on the charger again before he fell asleep which means that by the time they’ve finished with rehearsal - which was a double run through that left him utterly exhausted - his phone is completely dead. And he doesn’t even get it on the charger for a few minutes before collapsing in his bed again. 

Jay wakes him up out of his sleep to remind him to eat dinner and he doesn’t check his phone before going downstairs. 

He eats in a trance, thinking of all the homework left undone in his backpack. He’s mid-chew when Daisy starts screaming about something that he can’t even understand. The next thing he knows, Fiz and Daisy are fighting so much that they both get sent to their rooms. Normally he would at least be mildly annoyed by his immature sisters but tonight he sits through it, just eating his food. Honestly, he almost feels like a zombie and apparently, he looks like one too. 

“You need to shower, Lou.” Lottie says, turning up her nose as she takes his plate from him. “You stink.”

“I don’t stink.” Louis retorts. “I shower every single day after practice.”

Lottie shrugs in a way that Louis knows too well. He knows her well enough to know that she wasn’t trying to say that he needs to shower specifically. More like, he needs to take care of himself. But he is taking care of himself, isn’t he? 

“You alright?” Jay asks him, and oh. He’s still sitting at the table long after everyone else has finished. 

“Mhmm.” Louis stands, rubbing his eyes. “Man, I am exhausted.”

“Go get some sleep, love. And just so you know, if you need to take tomorrow as a mental health day, I will support you in that.”

Louis starts to say no and then he realizes that he doesn’t have rehearsal tomorrow and the coach won’t kill him if he misses one practice. 

“I just might take you up on that.” Louis goes back up to his room and falls asleep almost instantly.

He ends up at school the next day anyway. His body is too used to getting up at the same time every morning . When Jay sees him come down the stairs the next morning, she eyes him suspiciously but lets him go to school without bringing up their previous conversation. 

As soon as his eyes meet Harry’s, he knows that something is wrong. Harry’s body language completely changes when he sees Louis. He goes stiff and suddenly, a nervous feeling swirls in Louis’ stomach. 

“Hey!” Louis tries when he reaches their group. 

The other three mumble greetings while Harry remains completely silent, no longer making eye contact with Louis. This is not good. 

“I’ve got somewhere to be.” Harry bursts out suddenly. Louis watches him sternly walk away, feeling completely frozen. 

“Should I…?” Louis points after Harry, hoping his friends understand what he means because he’s too speechless to form a full sentence. 

“I wouldn’t, mate.” Liam shakes his head minutely. “He’s pretty upset. I think he needs a moment.”

“Upset?” Louis’ heart starts beating wildly. “What happened?”

It’s silent. He looks frantically to each of his friends’ faces and then it becomes clear.  _ Oh.  _ Harry is upset with  _ him.  _

Louis starts after Harry then. He’s not sure where exactly Harry’s gone off to but he’s gonna try to find him. 

The bell rings before he finds Harry. Louis almost tears up because he can’t stand the thought of going the whole day knowing that Harry is upset with him and being unable to do anything about it. 

But then, he finds Harry in the place he least expected him to be - right outside the doorway of Louis’ first class of the day. 

“Haz!” Louis runs straight to him, not at all comforted by the look on Harry’s face. Words just start tumbling out of his mouth without care. 

“Louis.” Something in Harry’s voice has Louis’ words dying off immediately. “After school, meet me in the choir room. We’ll talk then.” 

Louis watches Harry jog towards the direction of his own class in a trance. And that’s actually how he spends the rest of the day. From class to class, through lunch, all he can think about is watching Harry walk away. Somewhere deep down, Louis is more afraid than he’s ever been in his entire life. Who knows what this conversation could bring?

When the final bell rings, Louis gets to the choir room before all the other students have even left. Harry’s not in choir anymore because he’d rather do solo things but he still helps out with choir events and he sometimes just spends time in the room alone with the piano. So that’s where Louis finds himself, in front of the piano keying away at the only song he’s ever been taught (by Harry), All of Me by John Legend. 

When he looks up to see Harry, his face definitely softened from this morning, he jumps up. 

“I’m mad at you.” Harry admits. “I tried not to be but I am.”

“What did I do?” Louis is shaking almost. Confrontation is not his strong suit. 

“You really don’t even know?” Harry’s irritated tone some anger in Louis too. 

“No?” Louis racks his brain. He’s been too dead to do anything wrong recently. 

“See, that makes me even more mad.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis says. 

“Why?” Harry retorts, stepping closer to Louis. “How can you be sorry? You’re so wrapped up in yourself that you don’t even know what to be sorry for.”

“Okay.” Louis breathes through the anger seeping to the surface. “Tell me what I’ve done to upset you.” 

“Have you even looked at your phone? Or did you think that ignoring me was going to make me feel good?” 

“So that’s what this is about? You think I’ve been ignoring you?”

“I don’t think, I know.” Harry sounds so mad. His eyebrows are furrowing together in a way that is both attractive and scary. 

“Harry, I’m not ignoring you, I’m  _ exhausted _ . I’ve got a really important role in the musical and being junior captain requires a lot from me. Most nights I forget to even plug my phone in before falling asleep. My parents even suggested I stay home from school today to take a mental health day.” 

“Okay, you know what I’ve heard a lot of? ‘I’ this and ‘me’ that. Do even know how I’ve been doing recently, Lou? I’ve been having a hard time and my boyfriend doesn’t even know it, let alone be there for me through it.” 

“I’m sorry that I’m just a selfish dick apparently.” Louis throws his hands up dramatically. 

“Oh come off it, Louis. You know I’m not calling you a selfish dick. I’m saying that you’ve been focused on yourself recently. It’s always been like this, every time that you’re in a show and football at the same time you start to focus on yourself. I don’t know why I thought it’d be different now that I’m your boyfriend. I just thought I’d be able to count on you.”

“Where is all of this even coming from? One day everything is fine and the next, you’re thinking you can’t count on me?”

“It’s not out of nowhere though!” Harry bursts out. “If you paid any attention, you’d realize that you miss my calls more than you answer them. I text you and your replies are short, if they ever come. If you…”

Harry trails off and looks down. Louis just barely hears a sniffle. “If this is your way of saying you want out -”

“What?” Louis jerks in surprise. “No, Harry, of course I don’t want out. I want you as long as you’ll have me. Why would you think that?”

There’s a silence that follows in which Louis feels the anger simmering away. Louis is itching to give Harry a hug but he can just tell that Harry still needs some space. 

“I needed you last night.” Harry whispers, sounding like he’s trying his best not to break down. 

“Babe.” Louis’ heart hurts seeing Harry like this. He closes the distance between them and laces his fingers through Harry’s, feeling the guilt lace itself through him. “What happened last night?”

“Nick messaged me last night.” He admits it and Louis can see the tension in Harry’s body just at the name of Nick. “And when I left him on read he started saying some really awful things to me. I just needed to talk to you and get some reassurance, you know? And you weren’t there.”

“I’m so sorry.” Louis feels shame wash over him. “What can I do to make it up to you?” 

“Just.” Harry sniffles again. “Don’t make me feel like I have to beg for your attention. I don’t want to feel like I’m in this relationship by myself.”

“You’re not. I promise you that I’m right here. I hate that I made you feel that way. How about we spend the weekend together, just us?”

“I’d like that.” Harry smiles, cheeks still tinged red. “I think we just made it through our first fight.”

“We did.” Louis smiles, still feeling the guilt. “I’m still so sorry that it even happened.I … feel so guilty. Haz. You’re one of the most important people in my life. I’m going to make this up to you, I promise you.”

“Lou.” Harry comes to sit on the piano bench next to Louis. “Please don’t beat yourself up too much. You’re not perfect and I never expected you to be. As long as we’re both working on this thing together, there is no need to dwell on things that have happened in the past.”

“I’m so in love with you.” Louis bites his lip, thinking of if he really wants to do what he’s thinking of doing. 

Harry’s eyes get this glow in them. The way that he’s looking back at Louis just makes Louis forget about all the other reasons he had for not kissing Harry. So he leans towards Harry, reaching one hand out to hold Harry’s cheek. Their lips meet and Louis just knows that he’s made the right decision. He knows the risks that he’s taking in publicly kissing his boyfriend and suddenly, he just doesn’t fucking care. 

The kiss is deep - probably a little too deep for a school setting. But he doesn’t care, it’s not like there’s sloppy tongue involved and they are by themselves. His heart beats fast thinking of the fact that he and Harry got through their first fight. 

He feels Harry’s breath catch when they pull away. Harry’s got the look again, the one that makes Louis’ breath drag intensely. He will remember that look for the rest of his life. The look just screams how much Harry is in love with him. 

“For the record,” Harry says, turning to the piano and playing a sweet melody that Louis doesn’t quite recognize. “I’m so in love with you too.”

-

The weekend takes forever to arrive. They decide to spend the weekend at Harry’s house since Anne and Robin are not as overprotective as Jay is. They can spend hours on end by themselves and they don’t get checked on and thank the lord for that. 

Louis turns his phone off as soon as they arrive at Harry’s house. He’d already told his mother about the fight that he and Harry had and that was actually something that she had suggested, but also making him promise to check his phone before bed at least, for anything from her. 

The two play video games for a couple hours before dinner. Once they’ve sat through dinner with Anne and Robin, they retreat downstairs to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie. 

By the time that the first movie ends, Louis turns to Harry, asking something that’s been on his mind since the fight. He swallows, nervous to even bring it up. He breathes in and then he’s just out with it: “What exactly did Nick text you the other day?”

Harry immediately stiffens. And then he sighs, “Just some stuff about how I was the whore who slept with him after barely knowing him. And like, that I wasn’t good enough for him anyway.”

“Well, just know that Nick is literally disgusting. He only said that because you rejected him and you’re not a cheater like he is. He is the one who was never good enough for you.”

“Thanks, babe.” Harry smiles, cheeks turning just the slightest bit red. “I blocked his number so he won’t be sending shit like that to me anymore.”

“Good.” Louis laces their fingers together. “So, this weekend is about you. What do you want to do? Do you want to watch another movie? Or we can just talk or something. I’m into whatever you’re into.”

“Oh.” Harry wiggles his eyebrows provocatively. “Well in that case…”

“Stop.” Louis laughs. 

“What if what I’m into is getting your lips on mine?” He’s still partially laughing but Louis can tell that there’s definitely a seed of truth in his voice. 

“I’m beginning to think you just want me for my body, Harold.” Louis pretends to be affronted.

“Obviously,  _ Lewis. _ ” Harry trails a fingertip down Louis’ chest, dragging the collar of his T-shirt down to expose part of his chest. “You’ve got an irresistible bod.”

“I’m going to need you to stop.” Louis feels his face getting red with the compliments.

“I won’t stop until you believe it.” Harry pokes Louis’ flaming cheek.

“Well you’re going to be going for a long time.” Louis doesn’t mean to say it. He doesn’t mean to reveal just how insecure he actually is about his body but it comes out. 

“Lou.” Harry gets serious in a split second. “You do realize that you are legitimately attractive, right?”

“Eh.” Louis shrugs, his eyes dropping to his hands. “If you say so.”

Harry looks like he doesn’t know what to say. Louis feels awkward, like he shouldn’t have revealed so much about this vulnerable side of himself but then Harry just laces his fingers through Louis’. 

“I don’t know what I can say to make you see yourself the way that I see you but I’m never going to stop trying.”

Louis kisses him then, thinking of how he is absolutely the most lucky person on this planet. And he’s even luckier because Harry still wants him even after he’s been a shitty boyfriend. He decides right then that he’s going to blow Harry. 

They were told in their last rehearsal to not do anything that could damage their voices considering opening night is six days away. And Louis isn’t quite sure if sucking someone off damages your voice but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care because at the moment, the only thing that matters to him is that he wants to make Harry feel as good as Louis feels. He wants to express his love for Harry. That’s what Harry had said that sexual things between them would be - an expression of love. 

He kisses lightly at Harry’s neck, not quite letting on to his intentions yet. He wants to work himself up to it and properly enjoy the feeling of just making out with his boyfriend for just a few minutes longer.

He loves the way that Harry’s breath catches when Louis kisses that one spot on Harry’s jawline. And when he bites that spot, he feels the chill that goes through Harry’s body. 

Harry’s curls have grown longer which Louis literally loves. Especially because he can reach up and tangle his fingers in Harry’s hair, pulling his boy in impossibly closer to him. 

“Lou,” Harry breathes, eyes closed looking absolutely sated and they haven’t even done anything yet. “I love you like this.”

Now, that trips Louis up a bit. Like what? He’s not exactly sure what Harry even means by that. If Harry hadn’t just said that he loves it, Louis would get insecure. But even still, he can’t stop himself from asking.

“Like what?”

“Taking control.” Harry’s eyes are still closed 

Louis holds his breath, not even realizing that he’s actually taken control. He breathes through it, happy to know that Harry likes the way that things are going. He can only hope that Harry will like what comes next.

Louis tugs at the hem of Harry’s shirt, revealing the perfectly toned torso underneath. Louis is so awed that for a moment he can do nothing but just look. He trails his hands up and down Harry’s exposed skin, just enjoying the feeling. 

He pushes Harry back until he’s laying back on the couch. Louis feels himself getting hard as the situation unfolds but he can’t think about pleasing himself. He wants to do this for Harry. So far, it’s felt like Harry is the one introducing him to the world of sexuality by showing him how great all these new things feel, which Louis is certainly not complaining about it. But now it is Harry’s turn. 

Louis tries to make the removal of Harry’s pants as sexy as he can. In the end, it’s more just a show of how much he struggles with skinny jeans. The ankle part of Harry’s jeans get stuck and they both laugh as Harry has to assist in kicking off his jeans. Of course, Harry isn’t wearing any sort of underwear. Louis is honestly not surprised.

Harry naked is honestly a sight that Louis will never get used to. Even half hard, Harry’s well endowed. Louis is a little (actually a lot) nervous about his it’s all going to logistically fit. But he’s damn well gonna try. 

Harry must see the nerves on Louis’ face because he reaches out and puts a hand over Louis’ where it’s resting next to Harry’s hip. His facial features are soft and so genuine. God, Louis is so in love with this boy. 

“Lou, are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” Louis breathes. At first, he doesn’t think he’s going to tell Harry. Part of him wants to hide his nerves from Harry - pretend that he’s completely confident in his abilities. But then he reminds himself that he’s going to do this thing with Harry right. He’s going to be honest. “I’m just a little nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous.” Harry says it and it’s not like Louis is completely is cured of his nerves right then and there but even just knowing that Harry knows just eases him a little bit. 

He gulps down his nerves and leans down to kiss Harry, kiss him  _ there _ . It’s weird but Louis can feel him getting harder underneath his lips. Harry gasps and when Louis glances up at him, he can see the surprise in Harry’s eyes, like he’s just realized where Louis plans on going with this. 

Louis’ movements are uncertain but also unwavering somehow. He takes Harry in his hand, trying to remember exactly what Harry had done when he was doing this to him. But he was a little too concerned with his whole world coming undone at the time. 

He kisses the tip, feeling the nerves coming up again. But he’s going to do this. He  _ wants _ to do this. He takes Harry into his mouth and sucks lightly. At first, he just wants to get used to the feeling of having Harry in his mouth. 

Honestly, it’s weird. He can taste Harry’s skin and he’s afraid to take too much into his mouth at one time. Like, what if he pukes on Harry or something? That would be absolutely awful. 

Suddenly, Louis just feels like he’s lost with a dick in his mouth. So he stupidly pulls off and looks at Harry. His face looks red and his lips are bitten. Louis literally chuckles, thinking there’s no way that Harry could actually be enjoying this. He’s got no idea what he’s doing. 

“Can I um,” Louis swallows down his embarrassment over what he’s about to ask. “Can you possibly, like, give me a little guidance? I feel like this is not good at all.”

“You’re doing perfectly fine.” Harry reassures. Louis can hear that timbre in his voice, the one that comes when he’s turned on. “But yes, I can give you some guidance.”

Louis nods and takes Harry into his mouth again, listening intently to the words that Harry is saying.  _ No teeth _ . Louis honestly hadn’t even thought of that. He uses his lips to cover his teeth and keeps going. 

He nearly jumps when he feels Harry’s hand grasp his and bring it to his dick. But he quickly understands that Harry is wanting him to jerk him off where his mouth can’t reach.

For some reason, Harry squeezing his and Louis’ hands over his dick, it gets Louis super into it. He becomes promptly aware of his own dick straining against the zipper of his jeans. So he doubles his efforts, afraid that he may actually come in his pants.

His jaw is starting to ache and he takes Harry farther into his mouth, sucking more intently. Harry lets out a sound lets Louis know that Harry is definitely into what’s happening. 

“Lou, oh my god. You’re doing so good, babe.” Harry’s voice sounds strained, almost like he’s holding back.

Louis wonders what it’s going to be like once he knows all the things...and then suddenly he’s thinking of what it’ll be like when they actually have sex. 

With every bob of his head, he drives both of them closer to the edge. He’s so lost in his own thoughts, thoughts of how exactly sex would go between them that he’s actually surprised when Harry whispers,

“I’m gonna come.”

Instantly, Louis is worried. Shit, is he going to spit? Is he going to swallow? Does he even want Harry’s come in his mouth? He really should have thought of these things before. But he was so excited to get to it, that the thoughts of how things would  _ end _ never even crossed his mind. 

He decides he wants to taste Harry. If he doesn’t like the taste, he’ll spit it out or something. But he at least wants to try. 

When he goes down deeper on Harry - his cock almost hitting Louis’ gag reflex - Harry starts sputtering. His hips get jumpy and honestly, Louis cannot stand looking up at Harry through his lashes. It’s too fucking hot. 

“L-Lou, I’m gonna - “ 

Louis feels the muscles in Harry’s legs twitch and then suddenly, he feels Harry’s come hitting the back of his throat. He instantly pulls off, coughing. It honestly feels like some got in his lungs.

“Are you okay?!” Harry, being the absolute best, immediately sits up to try and console Louis.

“Fine.” Louis coughs, feeling his face get red. “Just inhaled your come.”

They both break out into laughter and Louis feels this softness in his heart. All he can think about is,  _ this is it. This is what people spend their lives searching for _ .

Once their laughter has died down, the heaviness of the moment settles over them. Harry is stark naked and getting soft. Louis is completely clothed and harder than ever. 

Harry ghosts his hand over the bulge in Louis’ jeans, crowding in close. His lips trail up Louis’ neck, leaving goosebumps behind them. When he reaches Louis’ ear, he whispers hotly,

“What do you want?”

“You.” Louis’ reply is instantaneous. No second thoughts, no hesitation. 

“You’ve got me.”

Louis’ heart leaps in his chest. He feels Harry’s breath against his ear still and it is driving him crazy. He gets brave for a second and just pulls Harry into him. They kiss hotly, barely stopping to breathe. Harry tugs Louis’ shirt off and the rest of his clothes soon follow. 

They end up laying face to face on the couch, Louis’ cock hard and leaking between them. 

“Touch me.” Louis means for it to come out as a question but it ends up coming out as a plea. His heart nearly stops at the next thing that Harry says.

“Where?”

Louis looks at him and for a moment, they both just look at each other. Louis wants it,  _ there _ . He feels his hole pulsing at just the thought of Harry touching him there. He bites his lip, afraid to actually say that he wants it. But it’s like Harry can see it in his eyes

“Can I try something new?” Harry’s eyes are so open, so genuine. Like he is sincerely asking and okay with the possibility that Louis could say no. Louis loves him so much for that.

“Like what?” Louis asks even though he knows where this is going. He knows what Harry wants to try and Louis desperately wants him to. 

Harry’s hand creeps down Louis’ back and Louis can’t help it when he begins to tremble. He’s so nervous but definitely doesn’t want to stop Harry. When his hand finally grips gently at Louis’ bum, Louis gasps and bites his lip. Louis’ dick twitches so hard that it hits Harry’s abdomen.

“Do you want this?” Harry asks after kissing Louis tenderly. 

“M-maybe just like. Touch me there but not...inside?” Louis wasn’t sure how to articulate what exactly he needed from Harry in the moment. He wanted to be touched but full blown fingering is something that he’s definitely not ready for. 

He knows his face is flaming red. And as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he’s worried that maybe he’s misreading Harry’s intentions. His anxiety spikes but Harry doesn’t let it last for long. 

Harry watches him intently as he hikes Louis’ leg over his hips and brings him closer. Louis feels exposed, nervous, and also excited. Louis vaguely realizes that his dick is now pressed against Harry’s groin area, just again his own half hard dick. 

But then he feels Harry’s fingers creep between his cheeks and it’s like he cannot even remotely register anything else. Louis gulps audibly. He looks at Harry only to realize that Harry is still watching him. He bites his lip, meeting Harry’s eyes. It’s an intense moment but Harry still makes sure to stop and ask,

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes.” Louis nods and then for good measure, he adds, “you’ve never made me feel like I can’t say no.”

Harry seems satisfied with the reply and next thing Louis knows, Harry’s finger is pressing against his hole. Immediately, the sensation causes Louis to gasp. He’s sensitive there. 

Out of nowhere, his mind flashes back to the time in freshman year when Chris made a joke about fingering and Louis tried to finger himself after that. It had went horribly. Little did he know that just a few short years later, he’d be laying in Harry’s basement, one step away from being fingering by Harry. And it would feel better than he ever imagined it would. 

Harry rubs his finger in a circle, with a gentle pressure that is as maddening as it is wonderful. He’s already close just from getting Harry off and the whole blowjob thing in general turned out to be hot in and of itself - sans the choking. 

Louis closes his eyes, unable to handle the way that Harry is looking at him. It’s entirely too erotic and also gentle. When Harry rubs faster and harder, Louis full out moans. He wants everything with Harry. If Harry were to ask him right then and there, Louis would probably let him do anything. He’s so turned on and just, it’s so much. 

His hips start rocking and that’s when Louis really knows that this won’t last much longer. The stimulation on his cock and his hole at the same time is toe-curling good. He starts moaning loud enough that Harry kisses him to quiet the sounds coming from him. 

Louis grips at Harry’s shoulders, rocking his hips back and forth and kisses Harry, moaning straight into his mouth. 

“Harry.”  Louis pulls away to whimper, feeling the build up. He’s grinding back against the contact against his hole so hard that it almost feels like Harry is actually fingering him. 

Harry whispers sweet nothings into Louis’ ear before going back to swallowing all the sounds that are coming out of Louis’ mouth through kissing. And then it happens. Louis grinds back so hard that the very tip of Harry’s finger slips inside, not even to the first knuckle. But instantly, Louis’ hole clenches down hard and he’s coming between them with a weak, yet intense whimper. 

They whisper  _ I love you _ s to each other and bask in the moment until Anne comes downstairs and they have to scramble to hide their actions. 

 

Later that night, Louis decides that he’s ready to have sex with Harry - almost. There’s one thing that he wants to be ready for first. Before he and Harry go all the way, he wants to come out completely. It seems like it’s irrelevant but in his mind, it makes sense. It just seems right. 

-

The Secret Garden opening week is upon them and all the theater kids are stressssed. It’s not like they aren’t ready - in fact, Louis thinks that they are the most ready for a show that he’s ever seen. 

But it’s like the whole vibe changes. It’s like somewhere in the back of everyone’s mind, they know that this week is going to be emotionally and physically exhausting. He’s playing Archibald who is a serious and emotional character, deep down. It’s going to take a lot out of him, but this is exactly what he’s always wanted. He’s always wanted to show everyone that he’s got depth - that he’s more than just the funny character. He can be more than that. 

All of his friends are incredibly understanding with him. And the coach makes practice optional, which is the nicest that he’s ever been about Louis doing both sports and theater. 

The week goes by and next thing he knows, he’s sitting backstage, listening to the auditorium fill to the brim on opening night. He’s staring at himself in the mirror, looking at Archibald in all his ugly glory; the hump on his back and the love in his eyes and Louis is nothing but ready. 

Part of him is so nervous, but as usual, the moment that he feels the warmth of the spotlight, all of that vanishes. The music takes him over and everything just falls into place.

When he steps onto the stage with Anthony to sing “Lily’s Eyes”, he’s overcome with the need to do this perfectly. He musters all the emotions within him and lets them overflow in the song. 

Even though it doesn’t fit perfectly, he thinks of the powerful love and emotions that he feels towards Harry as the song draws to an intense close.

_ How can I now forget _

_ That I once dared to be in love _

_ Be alive and whole _

_ In Lily’s eyes, in Lily’s eyes _

They get a standing ovation and Louis would honestly be lying if he said that his eyes didn’t water the tiniest bit. But he’d definitely be lying if he said he didn’t shed a tear when he emerges from backstage to see all his family and friends waiting for him with bated breath. 

Niall runs to him first, going on and on about how well he did. Of course, the girls are on his heels, literally jumping on him and screaming about how good it was and also, how they knew the boy in the show who played Colin. Jay cries as she hugs him, going on about how her boy is going to be a star one day. 

And then he sees Harry. 

Harry, who is dressed  _ to the nines _ , in a tux and bow tie, holding a bouquet of roses. Words cannot describe the way that he’s looking at Louis, when their eyes finally meet. 

When Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck, Harry presses the tiniest kiss to Louis’ neck. It’s private and perfect and it says everything that their words cannot express. 

“That was the best you’ve ever done.” Harry breathes. “You were stunning and, quite honestly, you blew everyone out of the water.”

Louis goes to kiss him and he almost just does it. But then he remembers that he’s not exactly out yet. He doesn’t kiss Harry, but not because he’s afraid. Somewhere along the line, he’s stopped being scared of coming out. He doesn’t kiss Harry because he wants his dramatic actor debut to be the reason why people are talking about him. He wants his performance to take the spotlight, not his sexuality. 

But soon. Soon the time will come. He thinks about the coming day when he will hold Harry’s hand in the hallways and get in trouble for kissing at the lunch table. Honestly, he and Harry are going to one hundred percent be that gross couple who everyone low key hates but also loves. He presses his thumb into Harry’s palm, knowing that Harry will know what it means.

_ I love you _

-

Harry shows up to every show, wearing the same tux with a different bow tie. To say that Louis’ in love would be a massive understatement. Lottie also attends every single one of his shows with Harry which is nice. He really needs to spend more time with her. 

On the night of the last show, all of the boys spend the weekend at Louis’ house as they have done in the past. At first Louis was nervous because of the whole breakup between Niall and Zayn but he thinks that they are finally moving past it; which, in truth, is as heartbreaking as it is good. 

Liam falls asleep first so they, of course, play pranks on him. Soon though, Louis is the only one left awake. As he listens to the sounds of his best friends sleeping he can’t help but think - he’s got a year and a half left with these guys. A year and a half before everything changes. By this time next year, he’ll have just one semester left. And who knows where they will all be the year after that. 

It’s terrifying. He’s come to love his life and the idea that one day these times and these people could all just be distant, fond memories, it’s too much. He can’t even think about what’s going to happen between he and Harry.

Louis lulls himself to sleep with the thought that it doesn’t matter yet. Graduation is still forever away and these feelings are a problem for his future self. For now, he’s got his best friends and love sleeping next to him and there is nothing more that he could ask for in life. 

-

Louis gets copious amounts of compliments at school with the week that follows the show - even more so than when he sang in the talent show last year. It feels good to know that he really is good at this whole acting thing, and the more that he thinks about it, the more he knows that this is really what he wants to do with his life. He feels like he’s glowing and everyone seems to notice - especially Jay.

“Hey love.” She smiles at him when she picks him up from school. “You look happy.”

“I am.” Louis beams. “Everything is just...going right, you know?”

“Mmm.” She agrees, patting his leg. “I’m so glad honey. You’ve had a rough time in the past. You deserve this happiness.”

“Thanks.” He doesn’t know what else to say so he just leaves it at that. 

For a couple minutes, the only sounds in the car are that of the radio commercials playing. Louis is about to reach down and change the station when Jay finally speaks up. 

“Lou, can I ask you something? You’ve got to be honest with me.”

“Oh god,” Louis groans. “I thought we agreed to let me bring up the sex talk if I wanted to.”

“It’s not about that.” Jay laughs heartily. “It’s about me and Daniel.”

“Oh no. You’re pregnant?!” 

“Louis William, why is it that you always assume that? No. Now, let me finish.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles. 

“I just...I wanted to check in with you and see how you’re really doing with this. With us getting married, I mean. Dan told me that he asked for your blessing first and I know you’ve agreed to be his best man but. I’m just making sure that you’re really okay with all of this.”

“I am.” Louis sighs. He’s been wanting to have this conversation for a long time. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to apologize to you - to both of you. I know that I was downright awful in the beginning. You - you didn’t deserve it. I want you to know that I’m happy for you, immensely so. And I am so, so sorry for how I acted in the past.”

“Boobear,” Jay sounds close to tears. “It’s alright. I know you had the hardest time letting go of the past. I know you wanted your dad to come back. He was your hero. Sometimes I still get teary-eyed thinking of you standing in the doorway waiting for him to come back. I get it, my love.”

“It’s not okay, though.” As they pull into the driveway, Louis looks out the window as the tears start coming. “I always felt like it was my fault.” 

“What do you mean?” Now that the car is parked Jay turns to Louis directly. 

“Him leaving, it felt like it was my fault. I was the one who found him and I was the one who-who told you even when he made me promise not to. In the back of my mind it felt like..”

Louis sniffles, trying (and failing) to keep his emotions under control. 

“Louis -“ Jay starts but he stops her. He’s got to get this all out. It’s been silently killing him for years before he even knew it. 

“It felt like he’d still be here if I hadn’t seen it. If I hadn’t told. So...so I guess I always felt like it was my responsibility to bring him back, to show him and you that I wasn’t your son, the ruiner. That I could f-fix it.

“And then Daniel came along and it was just hard. I tried so hard to hate him and bring Mark back. And all you were doing was following your heart after having it broken. There I was, being your son, the ruiner again. But once I saw him with his new family I knew. I knew that he was never coming back and...and I could never make it right. But mom, I’m so sorry that I made it harder for you. Dan is a good man. He… the girls and … me… we’re lucky to have him as a father figure. Please, just forgive me for everything I did before I realized that.”

“Louis William Tomlinson,” she puts her fingers under his chin and forces him to look at her. Her face is awash with emotion. “Don’t you  _ ever _ blame yourself for what Mark did.  _ You  _ did not force him to go to bed with another woman and  _ you  _ did not force him to leave. He did that all on his own. You’re not my son, the ruiner, you’re my son, the brave. You’re my son, the overcomer. Louis, I am so proud of you. I look at you and I am humbled. I love you so incredibly much. Love, look at me.”

Louis is a mess. His lip is quivering and he absolutely cannot keep looking at his mother or he will lose it. And sure enough, the moment their eyes meet again, he starts sobbing. 

“Repeat after me,”she says, firmly holding his gaze. “Mark leaving was never my fault.”

“Mom, c’mon -“

“Louis.”

“Fine.” He sighs. It’s actually hard. “Mark leaving...was never my fault.” 

“Okay.” She still looks at him intensely. “And now repeat this: I am not a ruiner.”

“I am not a ruiner.” 

She stares at him until he repeats it again. And then, she finally seems satisfied. She sits back in her seat and sighs. 

It’s quiet as they both regain emotional composure. Louis, feeling vulnerable already, decides he wants to talk to her about coming out. He hasn’t really talked to her about coming out since he came out to her. But now, all he wants is some guidance from his mother. 

“So,” he starts. “I’m thinking I might officially and, like, publicly come out.”

“Oh!” She looks positively delighted. “I’m so proud of you!”

“So you think it’s a good idea?”

“Of course I do.” She pats his knee again. “You deserve your happiness. You should be able to freely and openly express your love just like the rest of us.”

“I don’t know how to, though. Like, should I make a post? Should I just change my relationship status? Should I share a bunch of gay memes? How does one share that they are gay? You know?”

“There’s no one way.” She smiles softly. “From what I’ve seen. You do what feels right to you. Coming out is  _ your thing _ . Make it yours and there’s no wrong way to do it.”

“I love you mom.” Louis says, because honestly he doesn’t just say it enough. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you too. And I feel the same way, my love.” She ruffles his hair and then promptly, “now, the last one in has to do the dishes!”

They race to the door and of course, he lets her win.

-

November quickly bleeds into December. It hits Louis that he will be seventeen this month. It’s weird, he’s almost an actual adult. It seemed so far away and suddenly it’s like he’s afraid to blink because then it’ll be here.

“Louis, can I discuss something with you?” Dan pokes his head into Louis’ room, almost like he’s afraid of seeing Louis making out with Harry again. But Harry’s not even over. In fact, Louis is just innocently working on homework (for once). 

“Sure.” Louis closes the novel he had been reading for his English course. “What’s up?”

“So,” Dan fully steps into Louis’ room and closes the door behind him. “I was thinking. I know that it’s your birthday this month and since it’s so close to Christmas, I know that sometimes your birthday does not get as celebrated as it should. So, this year, I was thinking that we could do something really special.”

“Really?” His heart beats excitedly. “Like what?”

“Well, I was thinking that with my Christmas bonus this year, I could rent out a couple of rooms at a hotel for us and some of your friends, one with a pool so that we can have a party there. Maybe we could all go out to dinner beforehand. Is that something you’d be interested in?”

“I mean, yeah!” Louis sits up straighter. “But...are you sure that you want to spend your Christmas bonus on me? I don’t want you to feel like you owe me a lavish party or something.”

“I don’t feel like I owe you. I was thinking that it could be your present from me as a thank you for being my best man. But if you don’t want to do the hotel, let me know. There are a lot of options out there, we’ve just got to decide quickly seeing as you won’t be sixteen much longer.”

“I think the hotel is a great idea!” He pushes through his awkwardness and gives Dan a genuine hug. “Thank you. For this and… for everything else.”

“You’re very welcome, Louis.”

Once Dan leaves, Louis is left to his own devices. The first thing that Louis thinks of is the potential for him to get a hotel room alone with Harry. Maybe it’s because he’s a hormonal teenage boy but suddenly all the signs are pointing to the perfect timing for the two to...go all the way. 

It’s been on his mind ever since the last time that he and Harry did things. Even Harry just rubbing him there, it was way more intense than he thought it would be. He wants more. But he’s also nervous. This is a whole new level. 

Which is why he arranges to spend the night with Niall the following weekend. 

-

Maura cooks so well, it’s honestly a shame that Louis doesn’t spend more time at Niall’s. He makes a mental note to spend as much time here as he possibly can. The roast she made literally melted in Louis’ mouth and honestly, Louis may have dreams about it in the future.

Once they’re settled in Niall’s room, playing fifa Louis keeps telling himself to ask Niall about it. Just ask. Just start talking. But it’s like the words are stuck in his throat; lodged, like a piece of food blocking his airways and causing widespread panic. 

“I miss Zayn.” Niall says out of nowhere. They’ve just won yet another match and instead of celebrating, Niall is pouting something fierce. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis frowns. He doesn’t know what to say to comfort his friend. “I wish things had gone differently for you two.”

“Me too.” Niall sighs. “Sometimes I still can’t believe it’s over. Like, I’ll look at him and just want to hold his hand and then I remember that I can’t.”

Louis lets the words soak into the silence because there is nothing that he can say that will soothe Niall’s broken heart. Instead, he squeezes the lad’s shoulder tightly to let him know that he is still listening and, most of all, that he’s right there. He will always be there. 

“It’s just…” Niall’s eyes look sad and distant, like he’s replaying the past in front of his own eyes. “I really thought that he was it for me. I mean, I lived my whole life thinking I was straight and then he comes along and changes my entire perspective. You know, he’s still the only guy that I could ever see myself with. I used to joke that I was Zaynsexual and like. I don’t know. I thought that it was fate telling me that he’s the one. He’s the one who turned everything upside down but also right side up at the same time, if that makes sense.”

“I completely understand that.” Louis nods, feeling like that’s exactly what Harry did with him too. He isn’t sure if what he’s about to say next will help or hurt but he’s been wanting to say it since they broke up. “You know, I loved Harry from the moment I met him. Sure, at first it wasn’t the same way that I love him now. But deep down, I knew that Harry meant something more to me. We met when we were fourteen and the pieces didn’t fall together the way that they were supposed to until this past April. All I’m trying to say is that Zayn could still be it for you. Maybe it’s just, right person, wrong time.”

“You think?” He perks up just the slightest bit. 

“I don’t know for sure. I just know that I’ve never seen you so in love with someone before. Whatever happens, I hope that you two come out the other side.”

“Thanks.” Niall smiles, looking like he actually does feel better. “You know, I feel that way about you and Harry too. You two are endgame for sure.”

“I sure hope so.” Louis bites his lip to keep from smiling too hard. He’s so gone. 

“I’m glad that fate finally let the time be right for you guys.” Niall pokes at Louis playfully. “Because if I had to sit through any more of you two toeing the line, I would’ve locked you in a room until you got your shit together.”

Louis laughs loudly. “I guess we were pretty obvious, huh?”

“That’s the understatement of the century, mate.” Niall laughs. “The three of us lads were constantly talking about when you and Harry would finally just get over yourselves and fuck like rabbits.”

“We haven’t.” Louis admits. “We haven’t had sex yet.”

“Wait, really?” Niall’s are wide, eyebrows practically in his hairline. 

“Nope.” Louis emphasizes the ‘p’ but then articulates, “I mean, we’ve done other stuff but we haven’t gone all the way. Not yet.”

“I was gonna say...I know you have your issues with sex stuff but I would have been really surprised if you hadn’t done anything at all. Especially since you two have been giving each other the bedroom eyes since before you were even together.”

“Actually,” Louis smiles softly. “Harry’s been helping me work through my issues with that. I think I’m mostly okay now.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Niall tosses his controller aside. 

“But.” Louis starts, afraid that if he doesn’t bring it up now, the moment will be gone forever. “I’m kind of nervous about...going all the way.”

“I get that.” Niall nods in understanding. “I was nervous too, especially because I was a virgin. So I get where you’re coming from.”

“Would it be weird if...I asked you for advice on like - the whole thing?” Louis gulps, feeling his face heat up. 

“No.” Niall chuckles. “I wish I had been able to ask someone about it before I did it. I guess the biggest things that I would say are making sure that you’re clean. I can send you a link to this website that really helped me figure out how to make sure you’re good to go in that department - “

“What do you mean?” Louis hates himself for having to ask but that’s what this is all about.

“Well, you have to make sure that your arse is clean, Lou.” Niall laughs just a bit before continuing. “You do not want any unwanted  _ stuff  _ making an appearance.”

“Oh.  _ Oh _ .” Louis’ face turns an even brighter shade of red. “Okay. Yeah, a link would be great. Any other tips?”

“Lube, lube, and more lube. And like, don’t be afraid to ask for more lube...or like as Harry if he needs more lube. I don’t know the specifics of who is doing what and for the love of god, I do not want to know.”

They laugh some more and Louis just feels so at ease. As embarrassing as this situation is, it’s also nice that they are relaxed enough to joke about it and not make it weird. 

“And if it hurts, tell him. If it’s too much or you need more prep or just anything really, talk about it. Communication is the biggest factor. That’s basically all. Just make sure you’re both enjoying it and that’s all that really matters.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?” Louis bites his lip nervously. 

“Should I be afraid of this question?” Niall smirks.

“Shut up.” Louis punches Niall lightly. “I just don’t know how to tell Harry that I’m ready. That like, I’m ready to take the next step. And also I have some specifics about how it happens. Like, I don’t want it to be rushed on the couch in Harry’s basement, you know?”

“Making a mental note to never sit on that couch again.” Niall says to himself.

“Stooop!” This time Louis reaches over and smacks Niall with a pillow. “This is serious business.”

“It is!” Niall rips the pillow out of Louis’ hand and hits him back. “So treat it that way. Just be straight up with him about it. Tell him you want the dick and that you want it a certain way. There’s really no other way around it.”

As per usual, Niall is right.

-

Sitting down with Dan to talk logistics on the hotel party gets Louis even more amped up about it. 

“So how is this going to work? Is it just going to be my friends and I in one room and you guys in another?” Louis puts a negative tone in his voice, hoping that Dan will think otherwise. He really just wants to get Harry alone. 

“Well, that seems a bit crowded.” Dan goes silent momentarily, seemingly mulling it over. “How many people do you think you’ll want to invite?”

“Definitely Harry and the boys.” Louis says instantaneously. “And probably some of my theater friends and maybe a couple of guys from the footie team. And the girls will be there too, obviously. So probably like...fifteen people - ish.”

“Yeah, we will definitely need more than two rooms.” He looks at his laptop that’s sitting right in front of him, scrolling through the room options.

“I can only invite my close friends if you want.” Louis offers, feeling guilty.

“No, you can invite whoever you want to.” Dan says firmly. “I’m thinking that your mother and I will get an adjoining room for us and the girls. Do you think that the rest of you could split between three rooms? Or maybe four. Four seems better. And your friends can decide whatever is most comfortable in terms of who rooms with who.”

“That sounds perfect! Dan, thank you so much. You really don’t have to do all this for me. And taking everyone out to dinner beforehand. It’s going to be really expensive…”

“I want to do this for you, Louis. So,” he grabs his wallet to start making the official reservation. “Not another peep from you about the price. Just invite your friends and tell them to bring their swimsuits.”

He hugs Daniel tightly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Daniel hugs him back and then shoos him. “Now, run along. I don’t want you stressing out over the prices.”

He immediately goes to his room and phones the boys. First, he calls Niall and of course, he’s okay with it. He actually screams a bit about how awesome it’s going to be. And then he calls Liam, who asks if he can invite Sophia just to the dinner and swimming. Louis tentatively says yes, making a mental note to ask Liam about Sophia. He’s been oddly quiet about his relationship with her, which more Liam may mean that he’s in love with her. He calls Zayn next, who says that he’s more than okay with it, as long as his parents don’t mind. Louis makes another mental note to ask his parents to call Zayn’s parents and ask them. It always turns out better if the parents talk about it. 

Next, he calls Harry. He shouldn’t be nervous but he is. It’s not like he’s asking Harry right then and there to bed him. But it feels like it’s almost implied. Harry agrees right away, seemingly not even realizing that Louis has ulterior motives for them that night. 

Next thing he knows, the party is on it’s way to being set.

-

The weekend before his birthday party, Dan and Jay ask him to babysit the girls for the weekend so that they can have a weekend together and finish up the Christmas shopping. Honestly, at first Louis pouts about it. But as soon as his sisters are all lined up on the couch in their pajamas, Louis realizes just how long it’s been since he’s spent some quality time with them.

All four of his sisters are getting older without him even realizing it. It’s like one second they were his baby sisters and the next second, while he was out there going through things and not paying attention, they grew up. 

“I love you guys.” Louis says to them.

“Shhh, Louis.” Daisy shushes him. “We’re going to miss the song with Rapunzel and Eugene!”

“We’ve seen this movie a million times, Daisy.” Phoebe says. 

“Yes, but it’s the best part!”

“I agree.” Lottie adds. “You can see it in his eyes that he really loves her. It’s romantic.”

“Except for it’s just a fairy tale and not real.” Fiz mutters dejectedly. 

“It’s real!” Daisy nearly shouts, forgetting to even watch the song as it’s playing. 

“No it’s not. Fairy tales are just made up.”

“Where is this coming from?” Louis asks, suddenly concerned that his little sister doesn’t believe in fairy tales. 

“Nowhere.” She shrugs. “I’m just saying that real life isn’t like that.”

“It can be.” Louis defends. He likes to think that he’s found his fairy tale. 

“You and Harry don’t count.” She counters. “You’re like the exception, not the rule.”

“Well then what about mom and Daniel?” Lottie says. 

“That’s only after a failed marriage.”

“Okay, enough of this.” Louis puts a halt to the conversation immediately. They do not need to be discussing these things. “Let’s all just agree to disagree. And I’m going to rewind it so that we can hear the song.”

What Fiz said haunts Louis long after the movie is over. The girls have all retreated up to their rooms but Louis is still on the couch. He finished all of his homework and studying but he can’t stop recounting the conversation. 

Fiz was so little when Mark and Jay got divorced. The twins were even tinier. He’s basically the only one who still has memories of the good times in that marriage. So he doesn’t really think that what Fiz was saying was about them. 

Eventually, he decides to go up to her room, just to check on her. When he cracks her door open, he doesn’t expect her to be awake still, but she is. She’s reading by the light of the lamp next to her bed. As soon as Louis steps in, she puts her book down. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Louis asks, not really waiting for her to answer before he sits down on her bed. 

“Sure.” She shrugs her shoulders. 

“Why don’t you believe in fairy tales anymore? Did something happen?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs again and Louis knows that he’s going to have to try harder to get any real answers out of her. 

“Is this about mom?” 

“No.”

“Is it about Mark?”

“No.”

“Is it about … me?” Louis is scared to ask that one. 

“Nope.”

“Is it about you?” Louis asks. Silence. Jackpot. “What happened with you?”

“Nothing happened.” Fiz sits up and brushes her hair behind her ears. “I just think that it’s stupid. I’ve never seen real love like that. And plus. What if the prince wants to marry another prince? Like with you and Harry. Or what if the princess wants to marry a princess?”

“I can see your point.” Louis nods, thinking that just maybe, this is her way of saying it. He’s got to do his best to respond in a way that doesn’t lead her down the road that he was led down. “And I think that they should make movies like that, where the fairy tale love doesn’t always include straight, white people. And you’re right, it’s not real life. Nothing is perfect like the way that they make it seem. Also people who prefer those of the same sex are just as normal as those who prefer the opposite. There’s nothing wrong with liking what you like. 

“When I was in The Suessical, I learned a very important quote: those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. Those are words to live by. And I can assure you that no matter what, everyone in this house will belong in that first category.”

Her smile widens and Louis knows that he’s done an okay job. He gives her a hug and tucks her in. As he closes her door quietly, he smiles to himself. Louis wishes he could go to Mark and tell him that that’s how it’s done. When a child asks about things having to do with homosexuality, that is how you respond. It’s sad that he’s only a teenager and he’s got it figured out more than Mark. The only thing that he can hope in that situation is that he treats his other family better than he treated them. 

The rest of the weekend honestly flies by. He does his best to navigate it when the girls fight and he makes sure they’re fed, bathing, and brushing their teeth. All the while, he’s thinking of what it’s going to be like when it’s his turn in life to be a dad. Thank god for his little sisters. He’s prepared for anything. 

“What are you laughing about?” Lottie asks over dinner on Sunday night.

“Oh nothing.” Louis says, looking around the table at all of his sisters. Jay and Daniel got back in enough time to make dinner so they’re there, looking as happy as ever. “I just love you guys.”

“Louis, can you stop being so mushy - I’m gonna get sick.” Lottie moans.

“Oh stop.” Jay intervenes. “You better enjoy your brother while he’s still here. In a year and a half, he’ll be graduated and off living life in university.”

“No!!” Phoebe whines. “You can’t go!”

“Is it true?” Fiz asks. “Are you going to be leaving us?”

“That’s still a long time away.” Louis tells her. He reaches over and messes up her hair. “You’re stuck with me for now.”

Louis smiles and tries to soak it in, because Jay is right. He’s only got so many of these nights left.

-

When the end of the week finally does come, it’s like no one can contain their excitement. Everyone is ranting and raving about how they cannot wait for school to be over so they can get the party started. Louis is as excited as he is nervous because he still hasn’t had the conversation with Harry that he needs to have. But at the same time, he’s ecstatic because no one has ever done anything like this for him before and he’s never had people this excited for a party of his. 

Well, everyone seems excited except Zayn. As they’re sitting there before the first bell rings, he doesn’t say much. In fact, he doesn’t say anything. He just sits there, looking off in the distance as everyone else discusses the upcoming party. Louis knows that it’s not about him not going - Jay called his parents and got the okay a bit ago. 

At first Louis thinks that Zayn is just having one of those days. In the years that he’s known Zayn, he’s come to know that Zayn is an introvert through and through which means that sometimes, he just needs his space. He needs his alone time and he needs his friends to respect that. So Louis didn’t say anything and neither did the others. 

However, when the bell finally did ring, Zayn shot out of his chair and took off in the direction of the art rooms. Louis barely notices a piece of paper fall from the side pocket of Zayn’s backpack. He picks it up, planning on giving it to Zayn the next time that he sees him. 

He really doesn’t intend for everyone to ask about it and he really doesn’t intend for them all to huddle around while he reads it. But that’s exactly what happens.

“Zayn Malik,” Louis begins, “we are pleased to confirm that you have been chosen as a finalist for the Educating Young Artists Scholarship!”

Louis yells the last bit of the sentence and then looks up at his friends, who look just as equally dumbfounded. He had no idea that Zayn was  _ this  _ into art. He knew that Zayn did some art here and there but he had no idea that Zayn had applied for one of the most prestigious art scholarships in the country.

“You guys, this is huge.” Liam snatches the paper from Louis’ hands. “That scholarship literally is a full ride to the Oxford Art Program. You’ve got to be insanely talented to even be considered, let alone a finalist. They’ve got multiple public art competitions and it’s...he’s been working on this for a long time.”

“I just googled it. And look!” Harry holds his phone out to the group. On the screen are several pieces of art, some sketches, some paintings, and even a clay model. “Zayn is a big deal.”

“He’s got a collection that’s entitled,  _ Him. _ ” Niall speaks up for the first time, looking at his own phone. For a moment it’s like everything goes still. And then Niall is jumping from his seat. He steals the paper from Liam and simply runs in the same direction that Zayn went.

The three of them stand there, stupidly staring at each other in shock until the warning bell breaks their trance. They scatter into the crowds and Louis knows that they’re all probably going to end up late to class but he can’t even concern himself with that. 

It’s like Zayn has this whole secret part of his life that he’s never let anyone see, apparently not even Niall. 

-

Everyone meets at the restaurant for dinner and it’s already a bit crazy. Louis invited Anthony, Shayla, and the senior captain. He also invited Eleanor and a couple other guys from the team but they weren’t able to make it due to their own family plans. So maybe they didn’t exactly need four rooms but oh well.

It’s loud. Everyone is talking and laughing and Louis cannot help the inward smile that he has. The night as barely begun and he already knows that it’s going to be a night that they all remember. 

Once dinner is through, everyone piles in to go to the hotel. He and Niall pile their stuff in a room while everyone else goes to their own rooms to get changed for the pool.

“Tommo.” Niall whispers, even though they are the only ones in the room. “I just want you to know that I’ve already talked to the other boys and as soon as the parents go to bed, Harry and I are switching places.”

“Oh.” Louis bites his lip. 

“Happy Birthday.” Niall smirks, giving Louis a knowing look.

“Thanks.” Louis laughs, thanking the gods above that he has such great friends. 

The pool party is actually loads of fun. It’s weird because Louis’ never gotten to have a pool party for his birthday with it being in December. But he’s loving every second of it. 

Honestly, he absolutely cannot take seeing Harry wet and shirtless. Louis watches him as discreetly as possible but he wouldn’t be surprised if it were glaringly obvious. 

“Louis, can you believe that?” Liam asks, tipping his head towards the corner of the pool. 

Louis’ eyes follow to see Zayn and Niall off in the corner by themselves, actually talking. Maybe he’s imagining things but Louis swears he can see a slight smile playing on Niall’s lips. 

“It’s good to see that they’re finally able to be friends again.” Louis smiles.

“Do you think they’ll ever get back together?” Liam idly splashes the water.

“I don’t know.” He replies honestly. “I just hope whatever happens that they end up happy.”

“Me too.” Liam sighs and then straightens up. “Wanna see who can swim to the other end faster?”

Louis doesn’t even give him a chance to respond before he’s under the water, swimming as fast as he can. If he doesn’t get some sort of head start, there’s no way that he’d beat Liam. 

He does beat Liam, but by a fraction of a second. They rematch until Liam gets his redemption. As soon as he gets his moment to breathe, he’s pushed back under.

When Louis comes up sputtering, Harry comes up behind him, pulling him in close so that they’re back to chest. Louis’ breath catches in a way that has nothing to do with getting dunked underwater.

“Boo.” Harry whispers.

Louis turns around in Harry’s arms, wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist. And then, he flips them both over into the water. He swears, while the two of them are under, that he feels Harry’s lips against his for the briefest of seconds but as soon as they’re up, it’s like a war has begun. 

All in all, it’s a blast. He probably swallows a gallon of chlorine and his fingers and toes get all prune-y but it’s the best birthday that he’s had in a long time. 

When the pool festivities are finished, everyone agrees to shower and change and then meet in Louis’ room for cake. 

Having all of his friends and family in one small room is a bit much. He’s exhausted from swimming and he’s honestly a bit glad when people start heading to their own rooms to sleep. 

Not surprisingly, his parents are among the last to leave. Jay keeps glancing around nervously almost like she’s looking for reasons to stay. 

Finally, when she motions towards the bathroom, Louis knows that the moment he’d been dreading is upon him. He follows her into the bathroom, gulping as she closes the door behind her.  

“Louis I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation.” She starts, looking way too interested in the packaged soap. 

“Mom, we can just skip this whole thing?” Louis groans. 

“No, just let me say my piece. You’re seventeen, or you will be tomorrow, which means that legally, you can...do whatever you’d like.”

Louis moans again, letting his head fall into his hands. 

“We’re not daft. We know what could be happening. So just be safe, okay? That’s all I ask. I put some,  _ supplies _ , in the nightstand door so just take advantage of that and um, enjoy your night.”

Louis is speechless. Literally, he stands there until Niall comes looking for him because he is downright shocked. He just can’t believe that she used to be strict about him even having his door closed when people were over and here she is now, basically giving him the green light to get laid. 

Even still, Niall and Harry wait a solid hour to switch rooms. When he sees Harry, the entire story falls from his lips. 

“Oh gosh.” Harry chuckles, looking a little embarrassed as well. “I was actually wanting to talk to you about something.” 

“Oh?” Louis tries to keep his tone light and not reveal how much anxiety has welled up inside him from just that one sentence. 

“It’s nothing bad, love.” Harry steps into Louis’ space and slips his fingers between Louis’. “I just wanted to make it very clear to you that I’m not, like, expecting anything tonight. If we just cuddle and sleep, I will be perfectly content.” 

“I want to have sex with you.” Louis blurts out and then immediately backtracks. “Like, not tonight, though I certainly would not be opposed to doing other stuff tonight. But like, sometime in the future. And like, there are things that I want before it does happen. Conditions. Not that, you know, I think sex is a conditional thing. Feel free to stop me at any moment.” 

“What are your conditions?” Harry asks, with an endearing smile on his face. 

“I want to be out first.” Louis doesn’t hesitate. “It might not make sense to you but I just want to look back and have no regrets, nothing I’d do differently. I just feel like that’s part of it. And I want to be out for you too. I know we’ve gotten past the whole thing but i just don’t want us to be a secret when it happens.

“And I don’t want it to be in a hotel. I want it to happen in a familiar environment but also no one else can be home. I don’t want it to be rushed and I don’t want to have to worry about anyone...hearing.”

“Those seem like perfectly good conditions to me.” Harry smiles and his dimples make an appearance. 

“Okay.” Louis let out a breath that he didn’t even realize that he was holding. “Good. I love you, you know.”

Harry looks like it’s the sweetest thing that Louis’ ever said. He must see Louis’ confused look because he says,

“I just love hearing you say it out of the blue like that.” Harry kisses Louis tenderly. “I love you too. Now, I’d say we should get to cuddling. I’ve been looking forward to cuddling with you all day.”

So that’s how they end up with Louis’ head on Harry’s chest, Louis slowly falling asleep to the rhythm of Harry’s heartbeat.

“Sorry if I snore.” Louis musters his last bit of energy to tell Harry this. Harry just laughs and holds him tighter.

-

He wakes up and it’s still dark outside. In fact, Harry is still up, scrolling on his phone. He becomes aware of how hard he is and how he’s pressed up firmly to Harry’s side. 

“Harry,” Louis gasps. 

“Having sweet dreams?” Harry smirks. 

“Dreaming about you.” Louis doesn’t miss a beat. 

“What was I doing in your dream?” His voice takes on this timbre and Louis automatically knows where he wants this to go. 

“Kissing me.” Louis says, voice wavering only slightly. 

“Anything else?” Harry turns and Louis is made aware that Harry is also hard. 

“T-touching me.” Louis tremors. He laces his fingers through Harry’s the moment that Harry drops his phone aside on the bed. And then he moves Harry’s hand to the swell of his bum. “Here.  _ Inside _ .” 

Harry gasps and bites his lip hard. “Is that something you want?”

“Only if you want it.” Louis can feel how red his cheeks are even though he’s trying to keep his cool.

“I do. I want everything with you, Lou. You never have to worry about me not wanting you. I can guarantee that I’ve already thought about it extensively and probably wanked about it.”

Louis laughs and adjusts so that he can kiss Harry. He prods at Harry’s lips with his tongue and Harry quickly lets Louis in. Maybe it’s the layer of sleepiness that’s still clouding Louis or maybe he’s just becoming more confident in general, but he is the one to reach for Harry’s shirt. He wants, that’s all he knows. 

Harry takes off his shirt and throws it aside. As soon as he’s shirtless, he makes the move for Louis’ shirt. It’s like he can’t wait to just get all of their clothes out of the way. Harry’s sweatpants get thrown off of the bed next (surprise, he’s not wearing any sort of undergarments) and Louis’ basketball shorts soon follow.

He feels so many things, laying here with Harry as vulnerable as he can be. He’s only got his underwear on and Harry is completely naked. Louis’ hands roam along Harry’s skin, just feeling. 

Harry adjusts so that Louis is laying on his back underneath him. Louis feels his heart rate pick up, with both nervousness and excitement. Harry must see because he kisses Louis then, nothing but sweetness pouring from his lips. 

Louis tangles his hands in Harry’s hair, kissing him back with as much passion as he can. His hips thrust up on their own accord and he’s reminded that he’s only got a thin cloth separating his dick from Harry’s. 

Harry’s lips travel down Louis’ neck and Louis’ eyes flutter closed as chills erupt on his skin. Louis is honestly surprised when Harry doesn’t spend a considerable amount of time leaving marks on the spot that really gets him going. But instead his mouth finds Louis’ nipple and he can’t help but gasp.

He feels his nerves light up with every swipe of Harry’s tongue. He gasps lightly, letting his hips roll up into Harry’s. Harry lets go of his nipple and then smirks before finding the other, doubling his efforts. 

Louis whimpers at the sensation, letting his nails dig into his own palms. 

“Harry,” Louis whispers, toes curling already because there are so many feelings swirling around inside him. 

Harry pulls off of his nipple and looks at Louis, this look in his eyes that has Louis’ insides positively screaming. “God, I wish you could see the way you look right now.”

Louis bites his lip because he really doesn’t know how to respond to that. So instead he just thrusts up against Harry again. Harry looks to Louis as he takes the hem of Louis’ boxers in his hands, waiting for permission.

“I want this.” Louis says, more firmly. 

_ I trust you _ . Louis feels it in every fiber in his body. This, this right here is how he knows he’s ready. A calm settles over Louis as Harry settles back on top of him, both of their naked bodies pressed together. The moment is so raw that Louis can barely contain himself. He wants to soak it in and relive this moment every single day for the rest of his life. 

Louis decides he wants to show Harry just how physically and emotionally good he’s feeling. He lets his fingertips trace down Harry’s torso, feeling as though there’s fire left behind where his fingers were. He reaches Harry’s belly button and gives it a quick poke, just to see Harry giggle a tiny bit. But then he’s letting his fingertips go even farther down, reaching the bits of hair that Harry hadn’t shaved. 

Just one look at Harry’s face reveals that Harry seems to be embarrassed by letting his hair grow out a bit. So Louis decides to spend an extra second just there as he presses a kiss to Harry’s lips.

“It’s okay.” Louis whispers, almost so low that he’s not even sure that Harry catches it. 

He grips Harry firmly, reveling in the feel of the soft, warm skin underneath his palm. He starts out slow, just to see that look on Harry’s face that reveals just how much he wants this. 

When Louis picks up the pace, Harry stiffens just a little and steadies himself by holding onto Louis’ hip. 

“You’re incredible.” Harry says it like he doesn’t even intend for Louis to hear it. But he does and honestly, he can’t wait another second to take things to the next level.

He doubles his efforts, using Harry’s precome to assist in the glide of his skin on Harry’s skin. Harry starts hunching in on himself and Louis sees in his eyes that he’s on the edge. 

“I’m gonna come,” Harry grunts out but he still looks to Louis like he’s asking permission again.

“Do it.” Louis says, mustering the sexiest face he can. 

At that, Harry’s eyes flutter closed and he ruts into Louis’ hand hard, painting the space between them with his come.

“Oh my god.” Harry says after a few seconds. “That was amazing. Though I definitely wanted to make you come first.”

“I wanted to see you come, though.” Louis says, feeling almost pleasantly dirty. 

“Well, what my baby wants,” Harry pauses mid-sentence to kiss Louis, “he shall get.”

Louis can’t do anything but smile fondly. He definitely has a thing for when Harry calls him baby. Well, he just has a thing for Harry in general. 

“And speaking of things that you want, are you still sure that you want this? You know that you can say no and that’s perfectly fine.”

“Harold, I want this.” Louis playfully rolls his eyes. “But thank you, though, for always checking in with me like that. I love you for that. Well, that and many other things.”

“I love you too.” Harry smiles so wide that his dimples make a full appearance. 

He recenters himself over Louis after he grabs lube.    

Louis bites his lip, feeling the nerves settle in again. But then, he watches as Harry applies a generous amount of lube onto his fingers with this equally nervous look and Louis is reminded that they are in this together. This isn’t just happening to Louis, they are experiencing this together. 

The first touch of Harry’s finger to his rim is tentative and gentle. Louis lets out a tiny breath, feeling an ache to be filled already filling his senses. Harry’s free hand finds Louis’ where it’s rested on the bed. He laces their fingers together as much as the angle will allow and then he’s slowly, torturously slowly easing his finger inside of Louis.

It’s odd, that’s the first thing that comes to Louis’ mind to describe the feeling. It feels good but it’s also just weird. Harry’s finger stays still until Louis starts moving himself, just the tiniest movements. But it gets Harry’s attention and then he starts slowly fucking his finger in and out of Louis.

Louis’ breaths start becoming a little more uneven as the pleasure starts seeping in. He’s sensitive there, that much is abundantly clear considering there’s not even much happening and he’s already starting to love it. 

“Harry,” Louis breathes, wanting to ask for more but too shy to actually say it. Instead, he starts moving his hips a bit more wildly, hoping that Harry will understand. 

He picks up the speed, smirking when Louis responds with even breathier moans. 

“Would it be okay,” Harry gulps, looking nervous again. “If I um, added another? Finger I mean.”

“Yes.” Louis’ answering moan is instant. 

Harry removes his finger slowly, always mindful of Louis. Honestly, Louis has to hide his pout. He’s already missing the feeling of part of Harry being inside him. Louis watches as Harry adds even more lube to his fingers and then blushes when Harry catches him looking. 

“You still okay?” Harry asks, looking absolutely beautiful. 

“Yes.” Louis smiles, feeling that warmth spread from his heart. “Are you?”

“I’m honestly living the dream right now.” Harry beams so wide that Louis can almost see all of his perfectly white teeth. 

“Kiss me.” Louis whispers.

Immediately, Harry untangles their hands and adjusts so that he’s leaning over Louis, pressing their lips together. Louis’ hands come up to fit into Harry’s hair. He pours all of the things he’s feeling into this kiss with Harry. Honestly, he gets so distracted that he nearly jumps when he feels two of Harry’s fingers rubbing at his hole.

There is definitely more of a burn this time as the two fingers start filling him up. But there’s this underlying pleasure zinging through his body too and once he’s adjusted, it feels even better than just the first finger. 

When Harry starts gently thrusting the two fingers, Louis can’t contain the sounds that start pouring out of him. He’s gasping and letting out these breathy moans that he honestly doesn’t even realize he’s doing. 

“Good?” Harry asks between kisses.

“So good.” Louis kisses at Harry’s jawline, knowing that’s something that he loves.

“God,” Harry’s breath and movements falter. “I’m going to try something. Let me know if it’s too much.”

“Okay.” Louis’ trust in him doesn’t waiver. 

He feels Harry curl his fingers inside of him and then he’s hit with a wave of pleasure so intense that he nearly shouts.

“Oh  _ god _ .” Louis whimpers loudly. “What was that?”

“It’s your prostate. Basically your g-spot.” Harry bites his lip and he pulls back just enough to fully watch Louis’ face as he presses his spot again.

“Fuck,” Louis starts to really, really feel good. 

“Good?” Harry asks again, this time clearly knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Louis’ answer is more of a moan than an actual answer.

Harry starts thrusting his fingers harder, letting them hit the spot every single time and Louis is honestly losing his shit. He can feel his body start moving with every zing of pleasure.

He’s letting out a litany of curses and whimpers. His nails dig into Harry’s shoulders, just trying to hold on on this ride of intense feelings. His dick twitches hard and then he’s got a hand on himself. He feels like he’s right there on the edge and even though he knows that this is about to be the best orgasm of his life, he also doesn’t want this to end. 

“Don’t wanna come,” he tells Harry. His eyes drift closed because he’s  _ so close _ . 

“Why, babe?” Harry, rightfully so, sounds concerned. 

“I don’t want to stop.” Louis pouts, lettting the hand he has on himself pause for just a moment. “Feels the best.”

“We can do it again, Lou.” Harry’s tone reveals that he’s smiling again.

“Everyday?” Louis asks, peeking an eye open at Harry just to watch the way that Harry giggles.

“You’re incredible.” 

It’s enough confirmation for Louis. So he lets his hand pick the pace back up, fully ready to let the impending orgasm wash over him. Harry quickly gets on the same page, thrusting his fingers harder, and then suddenly, his fingers are inside him, just rubbing against the nerves inside of Louis uninterrupted. 

Louis goes mad. His legs start twitching like they’re trying to close and then he’s coming more intensely than he ever has before. He honestly couldn’t even recall all of the obscene noises that come out of his mouth. 

He loses track of time for a bit after that, just basking in the afterglow of such an amazing orgasm.

“That was the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life.” He tells Harry, who has just returned from the bathroom after cleaning everything up. 

“I’m glad.” Harry smiles. “That was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You are so incredible like that. Honestly, I can’t even describe it.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say to that. He blushes, feeling so in love with this boy who has just seen him at his most vulnerable. 

Harry brushes his thumb over Louis’ warm cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Louis says back. 

This is it. This is what people spend their entire lives searching for. 

-

The holidays all pass in a blur of wrapping paper and happiness. Before he’s even ready really, they are all in Harry’s basement waiting for the new year to come upon them. 

This year, Harry’s family is hosting a party and basically all of their families are there. But, of course, the five of them have escaped to the basement as they usually do. Niall refuses to sit on the couch which Louis both feels bad about but can’t help laughing about at the same time.

“Guys,” Liam says, just ten minutes before the new year rings in. “What are your resolutions for this year?”

“I want to try out for the talent show.” Harry pipes up immediately. “Or start uploading covers of songs or something on YouTube.”

“Babe!” Louis is instantly pumped. “You definitely should! You’d be great!”

“You would.” Niall nods. 

“Well,” Zayn speaks up. “I want to do everything I can to improve my art.”

No one has spoken about what they found that day but Louis’ certain that he knows that they know. Niall must’ve mentioned something about how he found out about Zayn’s secret life as amateur famous artist. 

“As for me,” Niall clears his throat. “I think I just want to be better. As a person, you know?”

“What do you mean?” Zayn looks almost offended. “You’re already an amazing person.”

“I just think I need to work on me.” He nods it off.

Louis and Harry exchange looks. None of them are sure of the relationship status of the two either. It seems as though they’re back to normal but also, still not together? It’s confusing but Louis has been too afraid to bring it up just in case it’ll upset Niall. He supposes only time will tell. 

“We could all use a little work on ourselves.” Liam grips at Niall’s shoulder comfortingly. “This year, I want to stop drinking so many sugary drinks. I know it’s not as deep as the rest of yours but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”

“Yours doesn’t have to be deep,” Harry chimes in. “If it’s something you want to do then it doesn’t matter if it’s not as deep. It’s important to you so it matters.”

“Harry’s not wrong.” Zayn says. “He’s always been the Dr. Phil of the group.”

That sends them all into a laughing fit and Louis almost forgets that he hasn’t shared his resolution yet. 

“Um,” Louis bites his lip, feeling the nerves come. “My resolution this year is…”

He trails off, reaching into his pocket. Harry squeezes his knee, already knowing where this is heading. Louis takes out the rainbow bracelet that Lottie gave him a while back and slips it onto his wrist. 

“I’m coming out.” He stares at his bracelet for a beat and then, he looks up and his heart is overwhelmed. 

Each of his best friends is looking at him with so much love and pride that he honestly cannot handle it. He almost, almost cries. 

“Okay guys,” Louis jokes, “you can blink now. And your jaws can stop hanging out on the floor.”

Everyone erupts with support and it ends with Louis at the bottom of a dog pile. He’s honesty got the best friends in the world.

As the clock strikes midnight, he changes his relationship status to that of being in a relationship with Harry since April 21st. And then he makes the hardest, yet most fulfilling post he’s ever made.

 

_ This year, my resolution is to be me - to be unapologetically and confidently me. For so long, I lived in fear. I feared what everyone would think of me if they knew that I am gay. I feared what would happen to me and who would love me and who wouldn’t love me anymore. Every single move I made, I did it out of fear. This year, I am saying no more. No more operating out of fear and no more shame. No more checking over my shoulder for who may be watching if I get too close to my boyfriend. No more resisting the urge to hold his hand or kiss him in public. No more hiding. And most importantly, no more treating myself as a second priority to others. So, friends and family, this year I am choosing myself. This year, I will love myself for who I am. The four suffocating closet walls will no longer constrain and define me.  _

_ This year, I am free.  _

-

 


End file.
